THE WEST WING "ANGEL MAINTENANCE" TELEPLAY BY: ELI ATTIE & AARON SORKIN STORY BY: ELI ATTIE & KEVIN FALLS DIRECTED BY: JESSICA YU TEASER FADE IN: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, PRESS CABIN - NIGHT Most of the press are sleeping, but reporters Steve, Katie, Mark and C.J. are talking. C.J. Because it's 18 hours from Manila, it's 9:25 p.m., Eastern. REPORTER MARK It should be 10:25. C.J. We left Manila at 3:25 today. MARK We left Manila at 3:25 yesterday. C.J. In Manila, it was yesterday. REPORTER KATIE Was it? C.J. Well, no, actually, it was tomorrow, but it's 9:25 right now, Eastern. Agreed? REPORTER STEVE I've agreed that it's 9:25 from the beginning. I'm just saying it should be 9:25 in the morning. C.J. But it's not, Steve; you can just look out the window and chack that one off the list. LIEUTENANT COLONEL CAPLAN [over P.A.] Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, this is Lieutenant Colonel Caplan. Colonel Weiskopf just told you that we were beginning our initial decent, but Andrews approach has just asked us to make a left turn at Valhalla Vector, maintain our altitude and proceed along Jet Route 5. We assume there's a problem on the ground, and just as soon as they have it figured out, I'm sure they'll wave us on in. As the Colonel speaks over the P.A. system, the camera has panned from the press cabin to the MEETING ROOM aboard Air Force One. Bartlet is on the phone with Leo. Ed and Larry are also in the room. BARTLET [to Ed and Larry] He's telling me the deadline for Columbia's recertification is midnight tonight. LARRY Yes, sir. BARTLET [to Leo] Didn't I sign those papers all ready? CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT LEO Yes, sir, but the statue requires that you have an in-person briefing on the current drug situation. So, we'll get you someone to do it in the car on the way in. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, MEETING ROOM - NIGHT BARTLET Just to check, they're going to tell me that the narco-trafficantes are running the Parliament, but that we should recertify them as an ally in the drug war. LEO [VO] It's a pro forma thing. It's better than having them as an enemy in the drug war. BARTLET You mean calling them an enemy. LEO [VO] I did. LARRY There's a statue that says you've got to be briefed in... Charlie enters with Colonel Weiskopf. CHARLIE Excuse me, sir. Colonel Weiskopf to see you. BARTLET And the deadline for that is today, right? LEO [VO] Yes, sir. BARTLET Jessie, left turn, maintain altitude? COLONEL WEISKOPF [to Ed and Larry] Would you excuse us, please? Ed and Larry gather their papers and leave. BARTLET Leo, hang on a second. [to Weiskopf] What's the problem on the ground? WEISKOPF There's no problem on the ground. When we deployed Hydraulic System One, our nose wheel indicator light didn't illuminate. Now, chances are, it's a problem with the indicator light itself, but at the moment, we have no way of knowing if our front wheel's locked. An f-16's been scrambled from Durbin Air Force Base; they'll be here in 22 minutes. BARTLET Then what happens? WEISKOPF They pull up alongside, try to get a visual read. BARTLET And then what happens? WEISKOPF If we don't have our wheels? BARTLET Yeah. WEISKOPF There are a number of options at that point. BARTLET You'll keep me briefed? WEISKOPF Yes, sir. BARTLET Thank you. WEISKOPF Thank you, Mr. President. Colonel Weiskopf leaves. BARTLET [to Leo] Listen, we've got a problem up here. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT Leo is still on the phone talking to Bartlet. LEO Listen to me, are you listening? This is one of those things that sounds worse than it is. I can'y tell you how many times this happens, it's a 30-cent piece of plastic. BARTLET Well, it should cost more, don't you think? LEO A friend of mine landing a Beechcraft at Teteboro, puts down the gear, the wheels fall right off the plane, he ditched it near the Throgs Neck Bridge. BARTLET You got a lot more of these stories? LEO Oh, yeah, a thousand of them. Seriously, man, if they dug a grave for me everytime I lost an indicator light. BARTLET I've got a plane full of reporters up here. LEO C.J. will know what to do. Charlie enters. CHARLIE Sir? C.J. and Will enter. BARTLET [to Leo] We'll we're going to give it a try. [hangs up phone] C.J. Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET Charlie, stay in here, would you? Here's what's going on. The light that indicates that the landing gear is locked didn't go on, which usually indicates that there's something wrong with the light. But what they're going to do is, they've sent a fighter jet to fly up alongside and get visual confirmation that it's down, and then we land. Here's the tricky part. C.J. Here's the tricky part? BARTLET The press can't know this is going on. There are two issues. One is that the Nikkei's about to open, the other is national security. We can't broadcast that Air Force One is up in the air over West Virginia and can't land. C.J. The co-pilot told us it was a problem on the ground; we'll stay with that. WILL What are we going to tell them when they see an Air Force Strikefighter outside their window? C.J. That's gonna take some thought. BARTLET Okay. C.J. Thank you. C.J. and Will exit into the HALLWAY. C.J. Can you give me some tarmac jargon? What would be happening on the ground that the plane can't land? WILL We shouldn't give them too many details. Let's say, you know, a runway incursion. A maintenance truck caused a fuel spill on the runway they want us to use. C.J. Are you all right? WILL Yeah. C.J. Ed, Larry, can you talk to Will for a second? C.J. walks into the PRESS CABIN. C.J. Has anyone else noticed that Chris's been on the phone for the last 20 minutes but hasn't spoken? REPORTER CHRIS Hang on. C.J. Hey, who remembers Dial-a-Joke? REPORTER ARTHUR C.J., what the hell's going on? C.J. A maintenance truck caused a fuel spill on our runway a few minutes ago, and they're cleaning it up. CHRIS C.J. C.J. I don't know how long it's going to take. Reporter Chris motions C.J. to follow her. They walk into the STAFF CABIN. CHRIS That was a stringer we use on the Ivory Coast. He's got double confirmation that there were friendly fire deaths in Kuhndu a few hours ago. C.J. Thanks. Chris goes back to the press cabin. C.J. walks over to the wall and picks up the phone. C.J. Signal, this is C.J. Cregg. I need you to page Leo McGarry with a call holding. CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT CONGRESSMAN TOM LANDIS Does it still feel like there's too much regulation? JOSH No. LANDIS No, I'm not saying, "Is there?" I'm saying, "Does it feel like there is?" JOSH Stop thinking like a Republican. LANDIS I am a Republican. JOSH And that's fine, I have nothing with that; I really don't. I'm just saying stop thinking like that. LANDIS It's thinking like one that's going to get this bill passed, and I'm tell you, if it feels like, in the toxic provision, that there's too much regulation... JOSH It's cleaning up Chesapeake Bay; it's not regulation, and regulation is what Congressmen do. LANDIS Oh, not Republican Congressmen; we look out for local businessman. JOSH Well, when the Chesapeake starts turning flourescent colors, local business is gonna have a bigger problem. LANDIS Well, that's why I'm supporting this bill. JOSH And that's why the President's signing it. LANDIS Good, but you skipped the part where the majority of Congress votes for it. So, I'm asking you again; does it feel too...? JOSH No, it doesn't... feel too regulated; it doesn't have the texture of how do you say, the je ne sais quios... LANDIS Shut up. JOSH ...of big government. LANDIS Shut up. Let's get back to work. Donna enters and places a note infront of Josh. JOSH What does Chesapeake mean? LANDIS Big Shellfish Bay. You never spend any time there? JOSH No. LANDIS Oh, it's incredibly beautiful. DONNA Josh. LANDIS [to Donna] You ever been there? DONNA Chesapeake Bay? LANDIS Uh-huh. DONNA No. Josh reads the note. JOSH There was a fuel spill on the ground at Andrews. They've to clean it up before he can land. LANDIS Oh man, after an 18-hour flight? JOSH Yeah, I'm gonna head back to my office. Why don't you guys move on to point/nonpoint source pollution and the storm runoff; I'll be back in a few minutes. Josh and Donna walk into the HALLWAY. JOSH They're having a problem with their landing gear? DONNA I know, I wrote the note. JOSH No, you wrote they're having a problem with their landing geek. DONNA They've got to stay up there awhile and check it out. JOSH Yeah, but they're saying it's nothing though, right? DONNA They're saying, yeah, they're saying it's a light. JOSH All right, do me a favor, I wanted the President to look at the Medicare rules. DONNA I'll fax them up there. They run into Congressmen SEGAL and SIMMEL. CONGRESSMAN SEGAL Josh. JOSH Congressmen. SEGAL We just had a meeting canceled. JOSH Yeah, they spilled something on the runway; I just got part of the story. SEGAL Runway incursion it's called. Nothing like flying 8,000 miles and then circling the parking lot. CONGRESSMAN SIMMEL You... you were with Landis? JOSH I'm sorry? SIMMEL You were working with Tom Landis? JOSH Donna... DONNA You want me to fax those things? JOSH Yeah, and you can try and get me C.J. on the phone. DONNA It's a "r." JOSH It's a "k." Donna leaves. JOSH Chesapeake Bay cleanup. SIMMEL We talked about this. JOSH It's nothing. It's Chesapeake Bay cleanup. SIMMEL He's a vulnerable Republican. You can't hand him victories, you're giving him his seat back. JOSH It's a bipartisan bill. It's a victory for us. It's an environmental bill; the Republicans hate it. It's incredibly regulatory. SIMMEL I don't care, it's got his name on it. He's delivering Chesapeake Bay to Maryland. They are going to reelect him. JOSH Well, I appreciate your thoughts. SEGAL Josh, you know what some Hill Democrats call the Bartlet reelect? They call it the lonely lanslide. There's a sentiment that the President wanted a Republican Congress... JOSH And that's absurd. SIMMEL Then why are you helping one of the most vulnerable Republicans rack up... SEGAL You're making an argument for divided government. JOSH Divided governemnt's what we got. We should go on a hunger strike? SIMMEL No, but do you want to take back the House or what? Because if Hill Democrats don't think your hearts are really in it... JOSH Then what? SIMMEL There's a reason they're calling it a lonely landslide. I mean, we've talked about this. Anyway, have a good night. JOSH Good night, Congressmen. Toby enters the hallway from the lobby. JOSH Toby. TOBY They just told me. JOSH Donna's getting C.J. on the phone. TOBY I sent Will to the Philippines in my place. JOSH It's not like they're not going to fix it. You don't have to feel guilty about it. TOBY No, I mean, thank God, I sent Will in my place. Josh knocks on LEO'S OFFICE and they enter. JOSH How long before they know? LEO They're about five minutes away. TOBY Well, that's about all the time C.J.'s got to work with up there 'cause Leo, there's a wire service guy standing at Andrews right now whose job it is to record the wheels downtime and pretty soon he's gonna say, "Show me the fuel spill." LEO A wire guy on the ground? Toby, 20 White House reporters are about to see a supersonic fighter jet 200 feet outside their window. It's gonna be a story, but he's gonna be down by then. A couple hours ago, we lost five guys in friendly fire in Kuhndu. TOBY What happened? LEO A platoon of infantrymen called in an air-strike during live fire training off the western coast. There was a GPS error and they became the target. TOBY Oh, God. LEO I need you to talk to Mark Richardson right away tonight. He's speaking at Brookings tomorrow, and he's coming out against U.S. invovlement in Kundu. TOBY Well, we knew he felt that way. LEO We didn't know he was saying so and doing it at the Brookings Institution, so let's see what we can do. TOBY Okay. Josh and Toby exit to the HALLWAY. JOSH They called in an air raid and the computer hit them as a target. How'd you like to have to be the guy that explains that? TOBY Were Simmel and Segal giving you a hard time about the Chesapeake cleanup? JOSH They're not big fans of mine. TOBY I meant 'cause of the nuisance of having to circle around up there. When I said, "Thank God, I sent Will instead of me," not 'cause of the other thing. JOSH I know what you meant. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, STAFF CABIN - NIGHT C.J. is sitting down next to Larry and Ed, who has a laptop on his lap. Will walks over to them. WILL It's going to be along the rightside of the plane, and we're going to be in the area of Harper's Ferry. C.J. Blue Ridge Mountains, what can we look at? LARRY At night? C.J. Anything with lights or fireworks? ED [reading from computer screen] It's Wildfire Week at Shenandoah National Park. Lilacs, ochre, crimson. C.J. Do they light up? WILL We're nowhere near Shenandoah National park; it's a whole different state. ED I was looking at Blue Ridge Mountains. C.J. Any kind of Festival of Lights or astronomy? Is there a comet? CHARLIE C.J. and Will. C.J. and Will get up and follow Charlie to the MEETING ROOM. BARTLET Yeah, it's confirmed. Five infantrymen, they're on their way back. C.J. Have the families been notified? BARTLET No. I'm going to do that when I get on the ground. Will, I was supposed to get a Columbia recertification briefing in the car. Are you in a position to do it up here? WILL You wouldn't rather have someone from State? BARTLET That statue says it's got to be in person. WILL Yeah, I can do it. What are you certifying? BARTLET That Columbia is an ally in the drug war. So what's the plan? C.J. Ed and Larry are looking for something in the Blue Ridge Mountains. BARTLET At night? C.J. Something with lights. BARTLET Is that gonna work? WILL I don't see how it possibly can fail. BARTLET All right, let's get this over with and land. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, KITCHENETTE AREA - NIGHT Will comes out of the lavatory. C.J. Okay, its time. It's a minute away. WILL Okay. WILL AND C.J. Good luck. WILL Did you say, "good luck," to me? C.J. Yeah. WILL You're doing it. C.J. No, you have to. I screw with them all them time. They're not going to but it from me. WILL They're not going to but it from anybody. That plane's going to be really close. C.J. It's not worth a try? Look at me. Look at my face. It's not worth a try? WILL "Look at me, look at my face..."? C.J. Listen. WILL I'm going. Will goes over to the PRESS CABIN. WILL Hey, uh, listen everybody, the Colonel just told us that we're about to go by something incredible. And you hardly ever get to see this. It's going to be out the left side of the plane. REPORTER JOHN What is it? WILL Got to come over to the left side. Everybody, over here. It's coming up. All the reporters, except for Chris, get up and go over to the left side of the plane to look out the windows. REPORTER STEVE What are we over? WILL Well, we're, uh, over the Blue Ridge Mountains, but there's a Festival of Lights and Bonfires in this region that accompany something called the Wildflower-- you know, Renaissance, with lilac and ochre. REPORTER MARK That you can see from 33,000 feet? WILL Yes, it's arranged in a pattern that befuddles astronomers to this day. We should be coming up on it any... REPORTER CHRIS Oh, my God! All the reporters turn around and sees a fighter jet flying by the right side through the windows. WILL Of course, on the right side of the plane is an F-16 Falcon. REPORTER STEVE C.J., what the hell's going on? REPORTER KATIE He's on our wing. The reporters all start yeling out questions. REPORTERS Have we been attacked? Is that one of ours? There's only one? What's going on? Is that one of ours? The reporters start to pick up the phones on the plane. C.J. hesitates then picks up the phone on the wall. C.J. Signal, this is C.J. Cregg. Shut off the phones in the press cabin. C.J. hangs up the phone. The reporters all stop murmuring, and look at C.J.. C.J. There's a problem with the plane's landing gear. REPORTERS C.J.? C.J.? CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, HALLWAY - NIGHT Bartlet is standing in the hallway. Colonel Weiskopf descends the steps from the cockpit. BARTLET Is it down? WEISKOPF I'm sorry, sir. We don't know yet. BARTLET Why not? WEISKOPF Well, there's no moon tonight. It's tough for them to see under the plane, but they're still trying. BARTLET What's next? WEISKOPF We do a flyby at Andrews tower and take a look. BARTLET How close do we fly to the tower? WEISKOPF We're going to have to fly pretty close. BARTLET At what altitude? WEISKOPF Pretty low. BARTLET And we just can't stay up here for a couple of days and wait till there's a moon? WEISKOPF We'll let the boys next door in the Falcon poke around a little bit first, but I want to tell you. BARTLET What else? WEISKOPF We're going to have to refuel pretty soon. Colonel Weiskopf leaves. BARTLET Larry, would you go back and mention that to C.J.? LARRY Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, PRESS CABIN - NIGHT C.J. No one up here's in a position to file right now. REPORTER MARK Not in a position to...? Air Force One isn't landing, and it has a military escort. C.J. That's the story you'd file? You wouldn't mention the landing gear? REPORTER STEVE We'd mention the landing gear, right along with the maintenance truck and whatever you tell us next. C.J. Come on. The maintenance truck was an honest effort to avoid panic. Of course, you were going to know the truth at the end of the incident. Larry enters and whispers in Will's ear. REPORTER JOHN C.J.? C.J. I'm not going to broadcast that the President's plane is in distress. It creates very real security concerns, and it also happens to be a world market event. STEVE It is a market event. C.J. The story's embargoed. If a cellphone appears in violation of FAA regulations, the cell phone will be confiscated by a steward. REPORTERS C.J.? C.J.? WILL [whispers in C.J.'s ear] They're going to refuel. C.J. [to reporters] They want to refuel. C.J., Will, and Larry walk into the STAFF CABIN. C.J. How do they do that? WILL Well, instead of an F-16 coming up next to us, a KC-10 is going to, well, land on top of us. They know how to do it. They go back to the PRESS CABIN. C.J. Yeah, they're going to do a midair refueling with a KC-10. REPORTER CHRIS What does that mean? C.J. It means they think we're going to be up here a little while longer. CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT MARGARET How much longer can they stay up there? LEO Theoretically, they can keep getting refueled for months. MARGARET I don't really see that happening. LEO Me, neither. The Falcon's going to give them a thumb's up, or thumb's down. MARGARET And if it's thumb's down, they lay down foam? LEO You guys shouldn't be talking about it out there, all right? There's a knock on the door. Josh enters. JOSH You want me? LEO You had a conversation with Simmel and Segal a little while ago? JOSH About the Chesapeake cleanup. LEO They're just pissed as hell that Tom Landis is sitting out there working in the Roosevelt Room. JOSH He didn't storm the gate. JOSH Well, they would have preferred he had, to your opening it for him. JOSH I get the House is angry we didn't take back the House, and setting aside the fact it was their damn fault and not ours-- stopping all bipartisan legislation is like saying, "Let's blow up the place. Maybe voters will hire us to rebuild it." LEO I'm with you, but I need you guys to make a small change to Chesapeake. JOSH We're finishing it now. What do you need? LEO The caucus chair and the D-triple-C want to add revenue enhancement-- a dedicated levy from local businesses-- and they want binding targets on all the nonpoint source stuff. JOSH Okay. That's about three different ways of saying a brand-new tax on local business. LEO Yes. JOSH I'm fine with that. Fact, I'm all for it, but Tom's got to take this back to Republicans. LEO And we have to take it to Democrats, and it's reasonable. We put the same provisions in Superfund. JOSH Super. What's going on up there? LEO [yelling] Margaret, get me the Sit Room. [to Josh] The F-16's having trouble seeing the gear, 'cause it's a moonless night. They just took on another four hours worth of fuel. MARGARET [over speaker phone] On one. Leo picks up the phone. LEO Major, are we comfortable any longer with the plane up there by itself? I agree. And there's going to be a wire service reporter on the ground at Andrews who's going to start seeing something. You better have them spill some fuel out there. Please, on a runway we're not going to need. [hangs up the phone, yells to Margaret] The President. [to Josh] Well, at least all our friends are going to have some company now. The 22nd Tactical Fighter Wing with their missiles armed. CUT TO: INT. MARK RICHARDSON'S RECEPTION AREA - NIGHT TOBY I'm Toby Ziegler. AIDE BILL He's waiting for you, you can go in. TOBY Thank you. Toby walks in MARK RICHARDSON'S OFFICE. TOBY Congressman, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of your constituents died today. Gunnery Sergeant Harold Dokes from Bedford Stuyvesant. It was a friendly fire accident. Five guys reported fire, and a computer popped their coordinates. And their bodies are being flown here now. MARK RICHARDSON What do you want to talk to me about? TOBY Your speech at the Brookings Institution tomorrow. Congressman, are you opposing intervention in Kuhndu because so far, it's the black kids who are doing the dying? RICHARDSON Toby, I'm opposing the intervention in Kuhndu because I'm still waiting for an intervention in Brooklyn. TOBY Yeah, but the fact that this is immediate. I mean to say, the mass slaughter of tens of thousands of Africans-- mostly young men-- which calls for... RICHARDSON I understand what it... You ever been to a maximum-security prison? TOBY Maximum? No. RICHARDSON It's the black kids who are doing the dying there, too. TOBY The lives we're saving in Kuhndu-- and I agree... RICHARDSON I wasn't elected by the lives we're saving in Kuhndu. I was elected by the lives that are doing the saving. TOBY But you agree there ar moral imperatives? RICHARDSON Well, if there are moral imperatives, then you've got to tell me we are going to get everybody. Beginning with the Saudis. TOBY Mark, obviously, we need votes from the Black Caucus next week. Are you telling me it isn't in the vested interest of Black America? RICHARDSON It is in the vested interest of working-class America-- black, latino and yes, even white-- to be able to choose between more than a McDonald's uniform and a Marine uniform. TOBY And how is opposing the peacekeeping bill at Brookings going to achieve...? RICHARDSON I'm not opposing the peacekeeping bill. In fact, the whole Black Caucus is going to stand behind it, but with a proposed amendment. TOBY Doing what? RICHARDSON Reinstating the draft. I think the kids in my district are going to live longer if their fortunes are tied a little more closely to the fortunes of the kids in Josh Lyman's district. TOBY You want to draft a million middle-class kids out of spite? RICHARDSON Well, I don't want to draft anybody out of anything. I'm just trying to promote some patriotic unity. Bill! BILL enters. BILL Yes, sir? RICHARDSON Can you find out for me when the President expects to call the parents of Gunnery Sergeant Harold Dokes? I'll be next in line. BILL Yes, sir. Bill leaves and Toby starts to put on his coat. RICHARDSON Want a drink? TOBY Thank you. Toby takes his coat back off while Richardson fixes him a drink. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - NIGHT Josh is sitting at his desk and Donna walks past the door. She walks back by and enters. DONNA You know what gripes my ass? Josh, who was drinking from a water bottle, chokes a little. DONNA How you doing? JOSH Good. DONNA If anything ever happened to me, chances are going to be when I'm sitting next to you, and I'm going to be an also-dead. "Senoir Bartlet advisor Joshua Lyman killed by a pack of wild dogs. Also dead, Diane Moss." JOSH Huh? DONNA I'm not feeling useful right now. I think I should know how to do more things here. JOSH No one's feeling useful right now. DONNA No, you're doing things. You're doing something right now. What are you doing right now? JOSH What are you doing right now? DONNA Nothing, this is my point. They go out to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA, then to the LOBBY. JOSH How come you go out with so many Republicans? DONNA I don't. JOSH You do. Cliff, Commander Wonderful, Dr. Freeride. DONNA I don't know. I get a pretty good response to the personal ad I put in Roll call-- "Seeking 30-something male into motions to recommit." I'm not kidding. I can do more. I want to learn how. JOSH Do you know how to lock the landing gear? DONNA No. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OUTER OFFICE - NIGHT LEO Let's go. You got the, uh...? MARGARET Yeah. LEO And the, uh...? MARGARET Here. LEO Thank you. MARGARET Can I ask? What does the foam do exactly? LEO On the runway? They exit to the HALLWAY. MARGARET Yeah. LEO It's flame retardant. They're worried about fire. MARGARET But it's not impact retardant though, is it? I mean, the plane would still-- coming out of the sky at some velocity-- have to land on concrete. LEO You can take this back to the office. He hands Magaret a folder and sees Toby entering the West Wing. LEO Any movement? TOBY No. LEO He knows about the kid from Bed-Stuy? TOBY Yeah, he's got a long list of kids from Bed-Stuy. The Black Caucus is going to back the peacekeeping bill, if we back their amendment to reinstate the draft. LEO He's really going through with that stunt? TOBY Yeah. LEO Well, the left's come full cricle, hasn't it? By the way, not for nothing but draftees are nearly as well-trained. It's why there was so many casualties in Vietnam. TOBY Right, also the Vietcong. LEO Plus that. Leo begins to walk down the hall. TOBY What if we said we'd allow debate? LEO It's a stunt and Kuhndu is for real. We can't get involved in... Talk to OMB, and find out what we can give him. Wake somebody up. I got to go meet with Nancy. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - NIGHT Bartlet is playing solitaire. Will is sitting on a coach giving Bartlet the briefing on Columbia. BARTLET Is cocaine production in Columbia up or down? WILL It's up 200 percent. BARTLET And how many of our extradition requests have been honored? WILL Uh... none. BARTLET None. WILL No, there was... uh, yes, none. BARTLET Any good news? Anything we can hang our hat on? WILL Their attorney general reported that their narcotics people embezzled two million dollars of their anti-drug money. BARTLET That's good news? WILL Usually, they don't report it. BARTLET What they spend it on? If you tell me coccaine... WILL No, sir, vacations. BARTLET So, I recertify them in recognition of the fact that they took our anti-drug money and went to Seaworld. WILL And reported it. BARTLET All right, leave that stuff with me. WILL Thank you, Mr. President. Will exits the Presidents office, and goes to the HALLWAY. Charlie takes a drink out of a mini refrigerator. CHARLIE You want one? WILL Hmm? CHARLIE You want a beer? WILL No, thanks. [sits down] CHARLIE It's going to be fine. WILL What do you mean? CHARLIE I know you're afraid of flying. WILL I'm not. CHARLIE I can tell. C.J. enters. C.J. Four hours of fuel they took on. Did you even know it was up there? CHARLIE Will's afraid of flying. WILL I'm not. C.J. It's okay. You're afraid of flying. WILL I'm not. I'm not afraid of flying. I experience flying. C.J. Why'd you sign up for the Air Force Reserve? WILL I did it for a lot of reasons, and one of them was the romance of flight, but I got over that. I never thought that would happen. But these guys practice hard landings all the time. This isn't a big deal. Will pops his neck. Charlie and C.J. look at him like he's crazy and walk away. CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT Tom Landis and other staffers are working when Josh enters. JOSH Hey, everybody, how's it going in here? LANDIS Good. How's it going out there? JOSH I don't know why it's taking so long to clean fuel up off a runway. It must be... I don't know. LANDIS Can't use another runway? JOSH I guess not. LANDIS What about landing at Dulles? JOSH I'm sure that's what they are going to do if, you know... Listen, uh, I want to read over what we got now. But we're all done here, except the Causcus Chair wants to add something we had on Superfund, which is revenue enhancements. LANDIS The Caucus Chair wants revenue enhancements? JOSH Yeah. LANDIS A tax on local business. JOSH A dedicated levy. LANDIS That's a tax. JOSH Yeah. LANDIS Is this coming from the Caucus Chair or the D-triple-C? JOSH Both. LANDIS The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee wants a dedicated levy? JOSH We can find more offsets. There's a way to do this. LANDIS You guy want to pass this or not? JOSH Of course we want to... Whatever Republican votes we may lose, we're going to make up on the other side. LANDIS It's not going to get out of Committee. Donna enters. DONNA I'm sorry. JOSH Yes, it will. Now you got to stay here. You got to find more offsets and more ways to bury them. LANDIS It's 18 million to cleanup Chesapeake Bay. It's nothing. It's watershed management. JOSH Yes. Josh goes into the HALLWAY with Donna. DONNA Leo wants you to call these members of the Congressional Black Caucus. LEO The Black Caucus just walked off the Kundu Peacekeeping Bill. DONNA And he'd like you to work with airlift Ops on Angel Maintenance procedures. We're going to need it when they land. JOSH What are Angel Maintenance procedures? DONNA I'm sorry, "Angel" is the Airlift Operations code word for Air Force One. JOSH I didn't know that. They reach JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. DONNA Anyway, C.J.'s going to be answering questions about maintenance procedures, and she's going to need to be briefed. JOSH Why didn't I know that Airlift Ops calls the plane "Angel"? DONNA I'm usually the one who deals with them. JOSH All right, well, deal with them now. DONNA No, not on this. JOSH Yeah. DONNA I talk to them about people's luggage. JOSH Well, we don't have a problem with people's luggage tonight. You call your guys at Airlift ops. Tell them they got to get you ready to educate the Press Secretary on maintenance procedures as soon as Angel's on the ground. Josh walks into his office. DONNA Karen? KAREN Yeah. DONNA Make these phone calls for Josh, please. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - NIGHT Bartlet is talking to Leo on the phone. BARTLET How many times-- seriously, Leo-- how many times has the Black Caucus on retreats, at dinners... how many times have they...? There was a dinner two years where the Vice Chairs literally pulled out a map of Africa. They wanted me to make Africa a priority. And now they're making me look like a idiot. LEO [VO] Well, Mark's got a tough district. BARTLET Well, now they want me to make Brooklyn a priority. And when did these guys become Smoot and Hawley? Hang on a second. Bartlet spots Weiskopf coming down the stairs. He opens his door. BARTLET [to Leo] Jessie Weiskopf's coming down, and he ain't smiling. Bartlet goes out to the HALLWAY. WEISKOPF No, sir, they're unable to get a visual read. We're going to go ahead with the fly-by at Andrews. BARTLET Okay, and how long do you think this'll take? WEISKOPF Probably about an hour and 15 minutes. BARTLET An hour and 15? Where are we? WEISKOPF We're over Central Tennessee. They took us off the jet routes. BARTLET All right, pretty soon though, we got to stop just flying around. WEISKOPF Yes, sir. Bartlet walks back to the OFFICE. He talks to Leo again. BARTLET This is starting to qualify as space travel now. LEO [VO] What's going on? BARTLET The Falcon couldn't get a visual read, so we're going to buzz the tower at Andrews in a Boeing 747. Weiskopf says it's going to be an hour and 15 minutes. I'm going to call the families from up here of the five guys. LEO [VO] We'll send up those phone numbers. BARTLET Thanks. CUT TO: INT. THE WEST WING, LEO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Leo is in his office with Margaret. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. [hangs up] They're going to fly by the towers at Andrews. MARGARET My question about the foam is that the steel is still landing on concrete. LEO They have their back wheels. Can you get me C.J.? CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, STAFF CABIN - NIGHT Will is sitting in a chair writing when Bartlet comes up to him. BARTLET Will. WILL Yes, sir. BARTLET I'm going to call the families now. They're going to send up some information. Can you help me out? WILL Yes, sir. BARTLET Just give this to C.J. You should read it on the way. WILL Yes, sir. BARTLET Do me a favor. Find out what happens if I don't certify Columbia. Find out what happens if I decertify Columbua. WILL Really? BARTLET If I'm going to be up here, I may as well do something. WILL Yes, sir. BARTLET The fly-by's going to take about an hour and 15 minutes. Would you tell C.J.? WILL Yes, sir. CUT TO: INT. PRESS CABIN - NIGHT It's quiet in the press cabin. The reporters are sitting in their seats and C.J. is pacing up the aisle. REPORTER KATIE C.J.? C.J. Yeah. KATIE If there is an issue of national security... C.J. There is. KATIE Isn't it also a national issue for everyone down there? REPORTER JOHN In other words, turn on the damn phones. C.J. Somebody ask Steve what time it is. It's going to crack you up. JOHN C.J. C.J. How is it a threat to anyone on the ground? STEVE Air Force One doesn't generally break all by itself. C.J. Steve... STEVE Claudia, in a room someplace they're talking about the possibility the plane was sabotaged. C.J. By screwing with the front wheel? MARK If the malfunction's because of a leak in the hydraulics and they try to recycle the wheel, the front end of the plane's going to blow up. C.J. No, your right. I should definitely let you use the phone. Will enters and hands C.J. a note. C.J. reads the note. C.J. We're going to do a fly-by at Andrews. This thing's almost over. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: EXT. PORTICO - NIGHT Leo is out on the portico smoking a cigarette. Toby exits through the Outer Oval Office and approaches Leo. TOBY What are you doing? LEO Hey. TOBY What are you doing? LEO Did OMB have anything? TOBY Budget didn't have anything Mark wants. He can call OMB himself. Leo, let's say we study... LEO Come on. TOBY Study some version of his amendment. LEO We'll look ridiculous. TOBY It's not ridiculous. LEO It's a stunt. TOBY It is, but it's not ridiculous. We say we're going to study the draft and... LEO There's never going to be a draft. TOBY Mark knows that. He wants the debate. We want our peacekeeping appropriation. Everybody's happy. LEO Hardly anybody's happy. The President's going to study reinstating... We're for peacekeeping in Kuhndu. TOBY And Mark's point is who keeps the... LEO I know what Mark's point is. TOBY People who got nowhere else to go... LEO For advancement, they go for advancement. TOBY The five guys on their way home right now... didn't advance very far, I think is Mark's point. LEO It was a computer error, Toby. TOBY Yeah, I know. LEO Find out what "considering the amendment" has to look like in order for the Black Caucus to stay onboard. TOBY I will. Thank you. Toby walks away. Leo sits on a bench and continues to smoke his cigarette. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, SENIOR STAFF CABIN - NIGHT WILL Decertifying Columbia triggers automatic economic or trade sanctions. BARTLET We lose some money. WILL Yes. Now, the State Department feels that the President's credibility with his own legislature is based on his close ties with the U.S., and that would obviously be significantly damaged. BARTLET Right, but at the moment, I'm more concerned with our credibility. He told me at the Summit of the Americas that he'd work toward crop diversification. Did he mean opium and coke? WILL And they also ask that I remind you that his opponent in the last election, Garcia Larco, took campaign cash from the cartels, and if we weaken the President, we could get a reactionary in the next election. BARTLET Yes, but he's not helping us, so why should I give him political cover? Listen, I'm serious. What would happen if I don't recertify Columbia? WILL Well... actually, you can't. BARTLET I can't what? WILL Can't not recertify them. They're going to be automatically recertified. BARTLET Why? [thinks] Because the deadline was midnight... BARTLET AND WILL And it has to be delivered... WILL Yes. BARTLET The actual signed paper? WILL That's what the Counsel's Office... BARTLET This is really how the world works. WILL Well, it's how recertification works, I'm afraid, sir, so... BARTLET I want this plane to land! Will looks out the window then back at Bartlet. WILL Did it work? Bartlet laughs. BARTLET All right, thanks. WILL Thank you, Mr. President. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT The mess is empty except for Leo. He's sitting at a table when Josh enters. JOSH You wanted to see me? LEO The Chesapeake cleanup isn't going to happen. JOSH At all. LEO It's not going to come out of Committee. JOSH 'Cause of the revenue enhancements? LEO I think a little of everything. JOSH What happened? LEO Well, look, they weren't wild about it in the first place. JOSH What happened? LEO Deaver didn't like that Landis was working so closely with you. JOSH Did those two idiots let the Republicans on the Committee know? They were already pissed at him. LEO He's vulnerable, and they want his seat. We take back the House, there's any number, um... Mileage standards, reauthrize CWA-- any number of things we can do to help the environment more. JOSH Is the President supposed to open a pizzeria while the Republicans control Congress? LEO We got the peacekeeping appropriation next week. I don't want to get in to it over $18 million for Chesapeake Bay. JOSH We're going to lose an ally in Landis. LEO Well, one way or another, I think we're going to lose Landis. JOSH And they say the two parties can't get together on anything. Josh starts to walk out of the mess. LEO The pizzeria thing was funny. JOSH Thank you. Josh exits to the BASEMENT HALLWAY, where he meets Donna. They walk back upstairs. DONNA I was just coming down to see you. JOSH I just needed Leo for a second. DONNA Angel undergoes maintenance every day, whether the plane's going to be flying or not. Every 154 days, the plane's completely taken apart and put back together again. 24 hours before wheels-up, fuel is sealed in a tank truck and guarded by sharpshooters. One hour before wheels-up, Air Force specialist drain off a gallon and analyze it for purity and the right levels of octane and water. The wiring-- and this is going to be an area-- is shielded to protect it from a thermonuclear blast. If you want to sabotage it, you have to get by 48 armed members of the Air Lift Security Unit or join the maintenance crew, whick takes 12 months after a two-year background check. JOSH The guys you're talking to-- what do they think happened? DONNA They think a light didn't work. JOSH Why? DONNA I asked them the same thing. JOSH What'd they say? DONNA That sometimes lights don't work. JOSH Okay. Donna walks away and Josh enters THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Landis and the staff are still going over the Chesapeake Cleanup Bill. LANDIS Hey, Air Force One going to land? JOSH Pretty soon. LANDIS Can I just ask, out of curiosity, at what point was Hoynes alerted? JOSH As soon as Andrews waved off the plane. Would you guys mind? Could you give us the room for a second? The staffers leave. LANDIS What? The Democrats want a tax on clams? JOSH It's not the Democrats this time, it's the Republicans. It's not going to happen. LANDIS What do you mean? JOSH It's not going to get out of Committee. The White House is going to have to pull its support, but there's room in the EPA budget, room in the interior budget. LANDIS Room for everything but my name? JOSH Yeah. LANDIS You guys are really going to go after the seat next time, huh? JOSH So are the Republicans, Tom. You're probably going to have a primary challenge. LANDIS You know, if you keep squeezing out the liberal Republican and the conservative Democrats... JOSH That's who's beatable. LANDIS If I'm running scared, I run to the right. That's where the money is. JOSH This is something that was never in my lap the right way. LANDIS You know, a friend of mine's a comedian, and he was doing a standup here in town. A bunch of people from the German consulate came down to see him, and they came backstage afterwards, and they said to him, "How come we don't have anyone as funny as you back home?" And my friend said, "Because you killed them all." JOSH Well, tht's a bit of an overstatement... isn't it? LANDIS Maybe. JOSH Thanks for the work. LANDIS You should really come to Chesapeake Bay. It's incredibly beautiful. JOSH I will. Josh exits the room. CUT TO: INT. MARK RICHARDSON'S OFFICE - NIGHT Mark Richardson is hanging up the phone when Toby enters. TOBY He said I should come in. RICHARDSON Yeah. TOBY "The President does not think we shoud reinstate the draft nor does he intend to do so, but he respects Chairman Richardson as a leader in the Congress, and he's eager to hear what he has to say and to engage in thorough debate." RICHARDSON What's that? TOBY What C.J. will say tomorrow from the podium in exchange for votes of the Black Caucus on peacekeeping in Kuhndu. RICHARDSON It's not going to screw you too much? TOBY No, it'll screw us the regular amount. RICHARDSON This isn't new. The Union Army had a draft that you could buy yourself out for, for $300. TOBY Actually, the money ended up coming in handier than the soldiers. RICHARDSON Yeah, but I don't think that was my point. If you have money, you have a greater life expectancy across the board. You're going to have better health care, better shelter, better lawyers, and if you've got whatever equivalent of today's $300 is, you get to be united behind the war effort without actually fighting the war. And you're one of my constituents, too, Toby, so I shouldn't have to tell you that. TOBY You don't, Congressman. I was just on the job tonight. RICHARDSON Hmm. What was your lottery number? TOBY 125. It was the last six months of the draft. It went up to 90 that year... but I didn't have the 300 bucks. RICHARDSON Hmm. I'm going to call Sergeant Dokes' family now. TOBY I'd like to stay if you don't mind. RICHARDSON No, but stay standing. TOBY Yeah. Richardson picks up the phone and begins to dial. CUT TO: INT. AIR FORCE ONE, HALLWAY - NIGHT C.J. is standing up the against the wall swaying. Ed and Larry walk up to her. C.J. Are we near the tower? LARRY Gear's down. C.J. What? LARRY They got the indicator light. ED They recycled the gear, and the light went on this time. We're landing. C.J. grabs Ed and kisses him on the lips then walks away. LARRY I was the one who said it first. CUT TO: INT. PRESS CABIN - CONTINUOUS C.J., who's on the phone, yanks open the curtains to the press cabin. C.J. Signal, this is C.J. Cregg. Please turn the phones back on in the press cabin. The reporters all start to cheer and applaud. C.J. We're landing. We got an indicator light. You should feel free to file. Thank you all very much. C.J. stand at the doorway looking solemn. She's about to say something when Steve speaks. STEVE Thank you, C.J. MARK Thank you, C.J. KATIE C.J., thank you. REPORTERS Thank you. C.J. Thank you. C.J. exits and walks over to her seat in the STAFF CABIN. C.J. Oh. She sits, and Will walks up to her. C.J. You heard? WILL Yeah. C.J. Sit down. Will sits. C.J. I was meaning to ask you. Why did you ask about the front wheel before? You asked the Colonel if it was the front wheel. WILL Well, if you have the rear wheels, you can try a hard landing where you come down hard on the back wheels in an effort whack the front into place. C.J. To whack it into place? WILL Yes. C.J. I'm so happy I didn't have that information. WILL If you hit it wrong, the plane breaks in half. C.J. It just suddenly worked? WILL The gear? C.J. Yeah. WILL Yeah. C.J. I'm not sure I'm good at living in a world where that kind of thing is possible. WILL But you are. C.J. I imagine myself destitute, I imagine myself unlucky in love. But I never imagine my life would be in danger with really uncommon frequency. It feels a little bit good, doesn't it? WILL No. C.J. Yes, it does. WILL I'll make jokes when this whole bullfight with gravity is over. COLONEL WEISKOPF [over PA system] Well, ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, this is Colonel Weiskopf. From the hooting and hollering we can hear through our cockpit door, you've no doubt heard that we have a clear indicator light on our landing gear, and we are cleared for landing at Andrews Air Force Base. For those keeping score, our total flight time will have been 22 hours and 13 minutes using three seperate flight crews along the way. We will have traveled 10,700 air miles on our return trip, a significant portion of it the over West Virginia and Tennessee. White House staff on the ground informs us that while airborne on this flight, three seperate pieces of legislation have been negotiated and initialed by the President. We've had an engagement, a birthday, and the nation of Colombia was recertified as an ally in our war against drugs. I hope you won't consider this time we've spent together a waste. And now I'm being handed... Hang on just one moment... Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, The're going to move us to runway three-niner. There's a strong wind shift under 10,000 feet, so Andrews approach has asked us to abandon our descent, make a 30-degree right turn and maintain our current altitude. I'm sure we'll be down in no time now. As Colonel Weiskopf is speaking over the PA, the camera pans through the STAFF CABIN, then into the PRESS CABIN and back out to where Bartlet is standing in the HALL. Upon hearing the news that the plane isn't going to land, Bartlet storms in his office and slams the door. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 4.19 -- "Angel Maintenance" Original Air Date: April 2, 2003, 9:00 PM EST Transcibed by: ck1czar June 12, 2003