THE WEST WING "POSSE COMITATUS" WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: ALEX GRAVES TEASER FADE IN: INT. THE BRIEFING ROOM - DAY The reporters laugh and chat as C.J. holds a briefing. C.J. We're leaving exactly one hour later than we planned. At 5:00, he'll board Marine One for the trip to Andrews, where he'll board Air Force One for the trip to New York. We're just trying to be helpful because we understand that a Presidential motorcade rolling through midtown Manhattan around 6:00, 6:30 really helps keep things well-lubed out there. As a matter of fact, we apologize to New Yorkers for the inconvenience, but the delay was inevitable. The reporters chuckle. C.J. I meant to say 'unavoidable.' The delay was unavoidable. The President will make a short visit at City Hall and be in his feet at 7:30. ARTHUR Why is this such an early curtain? C.J. The play is 19 hours long. The reporters laugh. C.J. It's long. It's five and a half hours. KATIE Do you have a nose count yet this morning? C.J. On the welfare bill? KATIE Yeah. I heard there was more movement last night. C.J. Yeah, there's movement. It's close. KATIE How close? C.J. Look at the color of Josh Lyman's hair. STEVE How much of at least the summer plan for the campaign depends on winning the vote? C.J. I'd go beyond that. I'd say the future of the entire world depends on it. More laughter. C.J. I don't want to scare anybody, but I'd call your Congressman. Mark? MARK Seriously, 50 dollars if you give me a straight answer. Are they gonna meet tonight? C.J. The President and Governor Ritchie? MARK Yes. C.J. I don't know. MARK Now, I'm just gonna blow it on booze and women. More laughter. C.J. Anything else? I'll see you in New York. CHRIS Uh, wait. You never told us why the delay. C.J. I'm sorry? CHRIS Why is the President leaving an hour later? C.J. He scheduled a last-minute meeting. CHRIS With who? C.J. Good question. C.J. flips through her copy of the President's schedule, runs her index finger on the second page until she sees the name. C.J. Qumari Defense Minister Abdul Shareef. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Leo, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and intelligence personnel are already settled inside, waiting on the President. LEO Where'd we get the wires crossed? How'd the Pentagon put it on the schedule? FITZWALLACE We didn't get the wires crossed. LEO He's meeting with the guy. He's gonna be in the Oval Office. FITZWALLACE He was always gonna do that. LEO It wasn't cancelled? FITZWALLACE No way. LEO Fitz... FITZWALLACE The White House cancels a meeting at the last minute, he's gonna have somebody tasting his food for a month. I don't want him thinking. LEO I don't want the President... All right. I was gonna say I don't want him putting a voice to the guy. I take my daughter to a seafood place, the first thing she does is name all the lobsters in the tank, so I can't eat them. The doors fly open for Bartlet, and everyone stands. OFFICER Ten-hut. BARTLET Hello. LEO Good morning, sir. Everyone else greets the President before they all sit. MAN Mr. President, we wanted to lay out some of the rules. BARTLET There are rules for these things? MAN [pause] Uh, yes sir. The first one being the National Security Act, which says basically that only the President can trigger a covert action. This isn't a situation where you need to know as little as possible. The law requires that you know everything. BARTLET Doesn't the law also require that I not assassinate someone? MAN 2 Yes. Political assassination is banned by Executive Order. Two Executive Orders, as a matter of fact. BARTLET I know. One of them was mine. LEO The E.O. is law, but it was made up by the Executive, and the Executive can ignore it. BARTLET Assume for a second I say yes. How do we do it? Fitz walks up to him with a gun? FITZWALLACE No, it can't be military. BARTLET Why? FITZWALLACE The Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 prohibits the military from civilian law enforcement, and it can't happen on American soil. BARTLET The things we choose to care about. MAN 3 Mr. President, I should mention that if you give the order, the law insists that you inform what we call the gang of eight. That's the leadership on both parties and both houses and the chairpeople and ranking members of the two intelligence committees. BARTLET If it can't happen here, then why'd we care that Shareef was delivering himself? Fitzwallace has already walked next to the computer display. FITZWALLACE He's flying back tonight in his gulfstream. The pilot will be one of our people. They'll experience a mechanical failure about 90 minutes into the flight and set down in a remote RAF strip in Bermuda. It's really not much more than a road in the grass. BARTLET The British say yes? FITZWALLACE Yes, sir. BARTLET How many over there know about this? FITZWALLACE Three. BARTLET And some people in Bermuda? FITZWALLACE Yes, sir. LEO [to everyone] This is as big as the club gets, all right? BARTLET [uneasily] Okay. Well... surely, this is the most absurd meeting I ever sat in, and friends, that is saying something. As Bartlet rises, everyone else does. MAN 3 Sir, will you be exchanging gifts with Shareef when you meet this afternoon? BARTLET Yeah, I imagine. MAN 3 We'd like you to give him this. He nods to the man next to him. The man walks over to Bartlet while pulling out a pen from his jacket pocket. He hands the pen to the President. BARTLET What does the pen do? Squirts poison? MAN 3 It's got a small recording device in there. He'll probably throw it in the trash, but you never know. You might get lucky. He sticks it in his pocket on the flight home. From him, Bartlet looks down at the pen on his hand. He glances at Leo and drops the pen on the table. He starts to walk out. MAN 3 Sir? BARTLET We give him it boxed. Tell them to put it in a box. Bartlet walks out. CUT TO: INT. TULLY'S BREAKFAST PLACE - DAY Josh and Amy are giving their orders to the waitress. AMY Can I get an egg-white omelet and some toast that's badly burnt? JOSH Just coffee, thanks. WAITRESS Yes. The waitress leaves. Josh turns to Amy. JOSH That doesn't give you cancer? AMY Burnt toast? JOSH Yeah. AMY They're not sure. That's why I have the egg-white omelet. JOSH Welfare is a core issue with swing and independent voters. They use it as a barometer to measure a President's values on work and responsibility. AMY Yeah. JOSH We're gonna win the vote. AMY We'll see. JOSH We will... but we're gonna. I have a nine-point margin. AMY I think you're gonna lose Burnet, Bristol and Keith. JOSH They're on that fence? AMY Yeah. JOSH You understand we have to authorize welfare one way or another. You got to do it every six years. AMY Have I done something to make you think I'm dumb? JOSH Amy... AMY Doesn't the fact that you have to re-authorize it means that Republicans...? JOSH You have an extra billion in child care. AMY That's great, but the marriage incentives are terrible. JOSH We don't like the marriage incentives, either. Don't be ridiculous, but independent voters... AMY Please say "white men" instead of "independent voters," and if you're serious about making welfare a second chance and not a way of life, then you have to give people job training. JOSH Call off the hunt, and I'll see to it that you guys can make up with The White House. AMY Why? JOSH 'Cause we're gonna win. CUT TO: INT. A QUIET HOME - DAY Charlie rings the doorbell. Nobody answers. He peeks in the side window and knocks on the door. A woman opens the door slightly and looks at Charlie. MS. DEBORAH FIDERER Yes? CHARLIE Mrs. DiLaguardia? MS. FIDERER Yes? CHARLIE It's Charlie. I think there's trouble with your phone line. We kept getting disconnected. MS. FIDERER No... CHARLIE I hope you don't mind I just drove on out. MS. FIDERER No. Yes, I... We weren't getting disconnected. I was hanging up. CHARLIE Why? MS. FIDERER I wasn't interested in the job. CHARLIE Why didn't you just say so? MS. FIDERER You would have asked why. CHARLIE Yeah. MS. FIDERER My way was faster. CHARLIE Why aren't you interested...? She slams the door before Charlie could finish. Charlie knocks again. She opens the door. MS. FIDERER So you have my address. What other corners of my personal life have you rooted out? CHARLIE You worked at The White House. We know where you live. MS. FIDERER I bet you do. CHARLIE May I come inside for one minute? MS. FIDERER You're not allowed to park there. CHARLIE Yes, I am. MS. FIDERER All right. She finally lets Charlie inside. They walk to the living room. CHARLIE Mrs. DiLaguardia. MS. FIDERER I'm not married to Mr. DiLaguardia anymore. My name is Debbie Fiderer. CHARLIE Fidler? MS. FIDERER Fiderer. CHARLIE Ms. Fiderer, you've worked as executive assistant to Terrance Hunt: managing editor of Gannet News, Jack Kent Cooke: former owner of the Washington Redskins, Jordan Williams: founding partner at Cutler, Williams, Rossi, and the White House Office of Presidential Personnel, and I'd like you to come meet with the President today to discuss filling Delores Landingham's job. MS. FIDERER No. CHARLIE Why? MS. FIDERER Oh, this is so much worse than the phone call would have been. CHARLIE Why? MS. FIDERER Because I don't work for anyone, Charlie. I'm my own boss. I set my sail and go that particular direction. [points] CHARLIE You do? MS. FIDERER Yes. CHARLIE How's the sailing been? MS. FIDERER I beg your pardon? CHARLIE How's business? MS. FIDERER I'll admit I got off to a rocky start. CHARLIE What'd you try? MS. FIDERER Gambling. CHARLIE Didn't work out? MS. FIDERER No, but all that's changed. CHARLIE 'Cause now you're...? MS. FIDERER I'm an alpaca farmer. CHARLIE Are you serious? MS. FIDERER It's the world's finest livestock investment, Charlie. CHARLIE You're talking about those sheep they show on late-night T.V.? MS. FIDERER Well, they're alpacas, and if you knew that, you'd know that the textiles made from their fiber are coveted by the best fashion houses. CHARLIE You swallowed a brochure? MS. FIDERER I have two of the Huacaya variety. CHARLIE You were Executive to the head of the U.S. Olympic Organizing Committee, MS. FIDERER Yes. CHARLIE I'm sending a car for you in 90 minutes. [heads for the door] MS. FIDERER I was fired from The White House, Charlie. CHARLIE I know you were. Charlie opens the door. Ms. Fiderer watches him leave. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY Agent Simon Donovan, in casual clothes, walks in with a young black man, Anthony. SIMON You know what you should do? You should bring your mom a souvenir from The White House. Everyday, you should show your mom some expression of love. A smile. "You look pretty today, mom." A good smack on the ass they always like. Anthony chuckles. SIMON You know why you should give your mom an expression of love everyday? ANTHONY 'Cause she raised me? SIMON Well, okay. I was gonna say just to make things easier. Simon pushes the doors to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA, where he starts getting coffee. ANTHONY So, you're gonna be careful in New York, right? SIMON We're only going for a few hours. ANTHONY No, I mean when the crazy guy shows up. SIMON You don't think I can handle myself? ANTHONY Well... SIMON What? ANTHONY You got skills. I don't deny that. You can shoot, and you're athletic. SIMON But? ANTHONY You're slow-witted. SIMON Let the beatings begin. ANTHONY [laughs] You're not very bright, and the criminals can sense this about you. Simon taps Anthony's face a couple of times and grabs his head for a headlock. SIMON Come here. C.J. Good morning. C.J. is standing in the middle of the hallway, watching them. Simon lets Anthony go and almost dutifully stands to the side. SIMON Good morning. C.J. I thought you weren't on 'til this afternoon. SIMON I'm not. I arranged this for my friend Anthony here. Anthony, this is Ms. Cregg. ANTHONY Hi. C.J. Hey. [They shake hands.] SIMON You think it's possible for Anthony to get a souvenir he can give to his mom? C.J. Sure, it is. [calls] Carol? [to Anthony] That's really sweet, Anthony. Doing something nice for your mom. [taps Simon on the shoulder] You should be like that. SIMON Yes. Carol walks up. C.J. Could you set this gentleman up with a keychain? CAROL Yup. [walks off] C.J. It'll have the Seal of the President on it, and President Bartlet's signature, and you can tell your mom that you can't buy this in a souvenir shop. In fact, you can't buy it anywhere 'cause it's against the law to sell the Seal of the President. You can only get it here. ANTHONY Yeah, but if the cops stopped me, aren't they gonna think I stole it? C.J. If the cops stopped you, they're gonna think you're an important person. SIMON Stop you for what? ANTHONY Whatever. SIMON Wait outside a second, will you? ANTHONY Yeah. C.J. Nice meeting you. Anthony heads to the lobby. Simon and C.J. go inside C.J.'S OFFICE. C.J. Is he your nephew? SIMON No. I'm a Big Brother. We've been together about three years. C.J. Are you good at it? SIMON I don't know. He says he wants to be a Big Brother when he gets older, so you know, I guess... C.J. Listen. I was thinking there's really no reason for you to make the trip to New York. SIMON Yeah? C.J. I'm gonna be traveling with the President the whole time. SIMON Can I say something? C.J. Sure. SIMON I'm not allowed to date a protectee. C.J. Who's trying to date you? SIMON I'm not allowed to kiss a protectee. C.J. Who's trying to kiss you? SIMON You did. C.J. No, I didn't. SIMON C.J., I'm trusted with a serious job. C.J. Aren't you not allowed to call a protectee by their first name? SIMON Yes, ma'am. I'm gonna take Anthony home. C.J. There's really no reason for you to come to New York. SIMON See you on the plane. C.J. watches Simon go. CUT TO: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - DAY Bartlet is in another session with the psychiatrist, Dr. Stanley Keyworth. BARTLET It's "The War of the Roses." All the Henrys, and all the Richards, for that matter. STANLEY In some kind of condensed form? BARTLET Yeah. STANLEY 'Cause you'd be there for weeks, right, if...? BARTLET Yeah. There's also singing. STANLEY Oh, it's a musical? BARTLET No, but they're gonna sing from time to time, and one of the songs is a song I love. I can't think of the name now, but it's an Edwardian... It always reminds me... It makes me think of college, like, I don't know, like they should be singing it in the dining hall at Christ College at Cambridge. The chorus is, "And victorious in war shall be made glorious in peace." I was just singing it this morning. A moment of silence. STANLEY How have you been sleeping? BARTLET Good. Yeah. Let me ask you something. Is there a crime, which if it wasn't illegal, you would do? STANLEY I'd park anywhere I want. BARTLET Right, but you wouldn't rob a bank? STANLEY No. BARTLET Connecticut had a law prohibiting the use of contraceptives. It was written out of rage against adultery. But in the age of AIDS, don't Connecticut residents do more for the general welfare by flagrantly breaking the law? STANLEY There was a law against... contraceptives? BARTLET Yeah. STANLEY Can I ask, sir, how somebody used to get caught? BARTLET Stanley... STANLEY What's on your mind, Mr. President? BARTLET I can't tell you. STANLEY Yeah, but you can. Bartlet pauses, looks away and thinks. BARTLET No, I really can't. It's high security. To say nothing of... [sighs heavily] STANLEY To say nothing of what? BARTLET If I tell you I intend to commit a crime, you're required by law to report it. [beat] I have a strange meeting coming up. [beat] I'm gonna go. It's good seeing you. Bartlet stands, grabs his jacket, and leaves Stanley inside. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY Sam and Toby are meeting with a Congressman. Toby paces. CONGRESSMAN Go ahead without the governors. You're asking for trouble. SAM You co-sponsored the bill. CONGRESSMAN Yeah. I'm saying if you increase the work hours, for example, what would the governors do if there aren't enough jobs? SAM I don't even understand that. TOBY I don't think the congressman is here as a co-sponsor of the bill, Sam. I think he's here as the leader of Florida's Republican Delegation. CONGRESSMAN The President should meet with Ritchie tonight. SAM That's not gonna happen CONGRESSMAN They should walk in the door together. SAM Walk in the door together? TOBY It's a Catholic fundraiser, Ted. It's not a network debate. CONGRESSMAN They should walk in the door together. They should go in a room and talk, and then they should watch the play. And there are five congressmen who would be interested in the outcome of that meeting. SAM We get the votes... if the President meets with Ritchie? CONGRESSMAN Yes. TOBY Ted, the President enters the room with his wife and the President of China. He doesn't do it with the governor of Florida. CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY Josh is meeting with three no votes on the welfare bill. MAN 1 Can I ask why you guys are taking on a Broadway show during a vote like this? JOSH It was a scheduling error. MAN 1 [sits] It was. JOSH Nonetheless... MAN 1 I've got a primary. JOSH I know. MAN 2 I'm spending money already. JOSH We can help you raise money. MAN 3 So can Amy Gardner. JOSH Look, there's a billion more for child care. This isn't a bad bill. We're fixing ten things... MAN 1 How are the women...? JOSH ...that were wrong with welfare. Transportation subsidies... MAN 1 How are the women supposed to train for life after welfare when they're required to work 38 hours a week? MAN 3 Forget the work hours. It's the marriage incentives. I can't run without women. JOSH [pause] All right. These are three 'no' votes, right? MAN 1 Yeah. JOSH [stands] Okay. The President's gonna call you. MAN 1 Do you know when? JOSH [walking out] No. Sometime during the first intermission. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY In the hands of ABDUL SHAREEF is the box containing Bartlet's gift. Standing in the middle of the room, Bartlet listens to Shareef's Arabic, while the translator waits by the side. Leo and Fitzwallace stand by the corner, while two men stand just by the doorway. The translator speaks when Shareef is finished. TRANSLATOR And that the friendship established long ago between the United States and the nation of Qumar is based on frankness and serves the interests of both the American and Qumari people. BARTLET [indicating the men by the door] Who are these men? The translator asks Shareef, who responds. TRANSLATOR Bodyguards. BARTLET Okay. Shareef speaks again. TRANSLATOR And I would personally like to congratulate you, Mr. President, on the renewal of your ten-year lease on the Air Base in Tiaret. BARTLET Yeah, I'm feeling particularly proud of that today. The translator interprets. BARTLET We're happy you visited us, Mr. Defense Minister. You're welcome here anytime, and please, send the best regards of the President of the United States to the Royal Sultan. The translator interprets again. Shareef offers his hand. Bartlet just looks at him. BARTLET Not in the Oval Office. TRANSLATOR Sir? BARTLET Tell him I have a rash on my hand. Make sure you apologize. He translates. A little confused, Shareef slowly drops his hand. He says a word before leaving with his bodyguards. BARTLET Yeah. [to the translator] Thanks. TRANSLATOR Yes, sir. [leaves] A moment of silence after the guests leave. Bartlet looks down at Shareef's gift. BARTLET It's a hand-carved incense burner. Gypsum and sandalwood. He throws the incense burner in Fitzwallace's direction. Before he catches it, we-- CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY Toby's pink ball bounces off the window, catching Sam's attention. Sam walks to the window to look through from his office. Toby bounces the ball on the window again. Sam walks to Toby's door. SAM What's up? TOBY A.P. called with a quote from Kevin Kahn. [reads from a note] "Governor Ritchie is looking forward to meeting with the President tonight so he could talk about the Federal Government's plan for the Everglades, which would tax sugar farmers into unemployment." SAM It wouldn't. TOBY Yeah, but now he's got another "What's Bartlet hiding from us today?" spot. SAM What about this? Call A.P. and tell them that Governor Ritchie is mistaken and that he is not on the President's schedule, and go further. Say the President would love to meet with Ritchie, but he's gonna be busy tonight passing a vote... TOBY ...that's being hung up by the Florida delegation. Toby sees Josh passing by. TOBY Josh? JOSH [walking up] Yeah? TOBY In response to a tactical leak from Kevin Kahn, I'm gonna let A.P. know that Florida's messing with the welfare vote. You all right with that? JOSH Yeah. TOBY I'm asking 'cause if we lose the vote then we've just said that he's the one that brought us down. JOSH Yeah. TOBY You all right with this? JOSH Yeah. CUT TO: INT. OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY From the sign next to the doorway that says, "PRIVATE, OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT," the camera pans to a view inside, just as Ms. Fiderer walks in. She looks over the empty desk of the President's personal secretary. Charlie walks in. MS. FIDERER Oh, hello. CHARLIE Good. I was worried you were gonna be late. MS. FIDERER No. CHARLIE You want some water or something? MS. FIDERER No. No, thanks. [reveals a bottle of water from her purse] CHARLIE Have you met him before? MS. FIDERER We shook hands for a second before a group picture. CHARLIE You'll be fine. MS. FIDERER Yeah. [drinks] CHARLIE You seem a little better than you were before. MS. FIDERER I took a pill. CHARLIE Why? MS. FIDERER Because I was a little nervous about coming back to the White House. CHARLIE You took a pill? MS. FIDERER I took a couple. NANCY She can go on in now. Nancy and several other staffers march their way out of THE OVAL OFFICE. Charlie walks in. Ms. Fiderer tries not to bump to the exiting staffers, shifting left and right, as she walks in. Bartlet walks to his desk. Ms. Fiderer stands in front. CHARLIE Mr. President, this is Deborah Fiderer. I'll be right outside. [exits] BARTLET It's Fiderer? MS. FIDERER Fideler. Fiderer. It's Fiderer. BARTLET [while signing papers] I saw your resume, so we don't need to talk about that. What have you been doing recently? MS. FIDERER I'm an alpaca farmer. BARTLET Like the sweaters? MS. FIDERER Before they're sweaters. BARTLET Uh-huh. And before that? MS. FIDERER [rolls her eyes] Craps and blackjack. BARTLET You're a professional gambler. MS. FIDERER I like the way that sounds. BARTLET Whereabouts? MS. FIDERER Bally's... mostly. BARTLET Okay. Why did you leave the White House? MS. FIDERER Well, Mr. President, if you want to talk about getting screwed with your pants on... She drops her bottled water, bends down and picks it up. BARTLET Charlie! MS. FIDERER I guess I... I got pretty-pretty well-doinked. CHARLIE [walks in] Yes, sir. BARTLET Can I have a minute? CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET [to Ms. Fiderer] Would you mind waiting outside just a moment? MS. FIDERER [as she walks out] No, not at all. BARTLET [to Charlie] Is this a joke? If it's a joke, it's both funny and well-executed, but I think you and I both know that it's not. I send you out to replace Delores Landingham, and that's what you came home with? CHARLIE Was she...? BARTLET She was an alpaca farmer who needed two tries to get her own name. CHARLIE Well, sir, maybe... BARTLET Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get the Personnel Office on it. I got to go change for New York. Bartlet rushes out to the portico. Charlie walks out to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE, shaking his head. Ms. Fiderer is waiting. CHARLIE Okay. Okay, that was my fault. I didn't properly prepare you for the meeting. That was bad staff work. Before your next job interview with the President, I'm gonna remind you that you probably don't want to be stoned. MS. FIDERER There's gonna be a second interview? CHARLIE There's gonna be as many as it takes. We're gonna get this right. They start to walk out. MS. FIDERER Well, let me back you up a second. Have we done the first one yet? CHARLIE I'm calling a cab now. MS. FIDERER Okay. [beat] Whatever happened to the Swingle Singers? CHARLIE I don't know. CUT TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY A number of politicians are gathered around a round table. Each have a copy of a file in front of them. Two seats are left empty. They are for Leo and Fitzwallace, both of whom walk inside. LEO Good afternoon. Everyone sits. Leo starts. LEO After being presented with overwhelming evidence, provided by foreign and domestic intelligence agencies, the President requested the intelligence finding you have in your hands right now. That finding has been prepared and signed off by the directors of the NSA and Central Intelligence. FITZWALLACE It was subsequently submitted for review and approval by the National Security Advisor, the Secretaries of State and Defense, Attorney General, White House Counsel, and finally, myself, and I submit it to you for notification. MAN 1 How are you getting around 1-1-9-0-5? LEO The President's rescinding his own Executive Order. MAN 2 He's on U.S. soil right now. Why can't the FBI act on this? LEO The FBI's role is investigatory. They're not allowed to engage in a police action. MAN 3 And the military? LOBELL Posse Comitatus. You're killing Shareef? LEO [pause] I don't know. MAN 1 Leo, when does the President give the green light? LEO At the last possible minute. Consider yourselves notified. Thank you. I have theater tickets. They all rise as Leo walks out. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. TIMES SQUARE, NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT The bright lights illuminate the night sky, as two security vans equipped with police lights drive by. Sirens are heard everywhere. CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE THE BROADWAY THEATER - CONTINUOUS The camera pans down from the sign "The Wars of the Roses" to the street below, where the two security vans pass by. A number of policemen and agents are on toll, as theater patrons, church officials and reporters are gathered near the entrance. The camera continues down to an open security van parked nearby. The agents inside are looking over a detailed map. RON The secure exits are indicated in red. The site agents are standing post. MALE AGENT Yes, sir. RON And the U.D.? FEMALE AGENT Yeah. RON They can bring the dogs in. Thank you. Ron turns to the street and calls on Simon, who approaches. RON Simon? SIMON Yes, sir. RON We've got a lead. I think I'm gonna have news for you in a few minutes. SIMON Is that right? RON Yeah. SIMON Thank you. Ron walks away. Simon turns to the entrance, where he sees C.J. come out of the theater. She walks over to a few reporters, just as Simon immediately heads her direction. REPORTER 1 C.J.! REPORTER 2 Hey C.J. C.J. How you guys doing? REPORTER 1 C.J., the President running on time? C.J. Just about. Simon nonchalantly whisks C.J. away and pulls her to a deserted alley. The wind blows hard. SIMON I asked you to wait with an agent. C.J. I wanted to get some air. SIMON That's fine, but I asked you to wait with an agent. C.J. Simon... SIMON You can say to the agent, "I'd like to go outside and get some air," and he'll go with you. C.J. I'm standing in the middle of the President's security detail. What do you think's gonna happen to me? SIMON [raises voice] I don't know what's gonna happen to you. If I did, this would be easy! C.J. Maybe if we didn't shout so much. SIMON I have spent my adult life protecting people. You're the first person who's got me seriously thinking about switching sides. C.J. Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way. I think I've been a treat. SIMON [sarcastic] Oh, yes you have. A little Easter treat. Just for me. C.J. You seem a little riled. SIMON [angry] From the first day, you've acted like this is all my fault, when that's a pretty tough case to make. C.J. I don't think any of it's your fault, and I appreciate everything you've done. SIMON I got to say, there are times when it seems like you like me. C.J. I do like you. SIMON Then you just walk off to stick it to me, and forget the personalities. It's just stupid! C.J. I said I do like you. SIMON I meant the other way! C.J. So did I. I tried to kiss you. SIMON You said you didn't! C.J. I was lying, you idiot. SIMON All right. I'm switching sides now. C.J. I was embarrassed. I fumbled it. SIMON You didn't. I told you. I'm not allowed! C.J. It sounded like an excuse. SIMON It's not. Somebody is threatening to kill you. I can't be... I watched you for three seconds trying on dresses in Barney's, and the guy shows up... I can't be... C.J. You watched me at Barney's? SIMON You're like the girl in Driver's Ed. who won't watch the prom night movie becuase it's gross, and so ends up missing an important lesson about drinking and driving. Simon's phone rings. He starts to answer it. C.J. [laughs] What in God's name are you talking about? SIMON [into phone] Simon Donovan. He walks. C.J. follows. C.J. You're saying I need to take my protection more seriously? 'Cause Simon, this is happening to me. I think I take the situation plenty seriously, but I have to live my life, so maybe... SIMON [stops] I have a phone to my ear. What does that mean to you? C.J. I shouldn't be talking. SIMON [into phone] Yes, sir. [listens] Thank you. Simon hangs up and turns to C.J. SIMON They've got him. C.J. What do you mean? SIMON We have him in custody. It's him. [into wrist mic] 10-50. It's Donovan. They got my guy. C.J. They have him? SIMON They stopped his train in Trenton. C.J. Where was he going? SIMON Here. He wasn't gonna do anything to you. C.J. This is over. SIMON There's paperwork. C.J. I meant for me. SIMON Yeah. C.J. Thank you. SIMON You're welcome. C.J. Seriously. C.J. leans in to kiss Simon on the cheek. They get comfortably close. Without resistance, they kiss passionately. It was a kiss weeks in the making. Well worth the wait. A long savored moment passes before they let go. They stay close, as if they can't get enough of each other. They speak softly. C.J. Thanks. SIMON You can drive your car, walk in a crowd, eat a grapefruit, do what you want. C.J. How about a drink? SIMON Sure, you can drink. C.J. Can you meet me after the play? SIMON Yes. C.J. Good. SIMON Where? C.J. Anywhere you want. SIMON How about right here? Nearby, the sirens announce the arrival of the President's motorcade. C.J. I have to go to work. C.J. turns and walks back, a big smile on her face. The crowd start to applaud and cheer as Bartlet comes out of his limo. Leo, Toby, Sam and the rest of the staff come out too. Bartlet shakes hands with several Catholic church officials and waves to the crowd across the street. The camera pans up to the sign again: "The Wars of the Roses." CUT TO: INT. BROADWAY THEATER - NIGHT The stage lights are dim as a man speaks. MAN Hung be the heavens with black, yield day and night. The audience applauds as the trumpets play, marking the start of the Shakespeare Company play. The curtain rises for the first scene. The stage actors, all in periodic clothing, stay frozen, as a man center stage raises his sword and starts his monologue. While he does, the camera pans up to the theater balconies, passes by the President's, and into the rearmost, where Sam walks up and pokes Toby on the shoulder. MAN Comets, importing changes of time and states, brandish your crystal tresses in the sky, and with them scourge the bad revolting stars that have consented unto Henry's death. King Henry the fifth, too famous to live long, virtue he had, deserving to command. He ne'er lift up his hand, but conquered. In the back balcony, Toby stands and follows Sam outside. CUT TO: INT. THEATER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Sam and Toby walk down a small flight of stairs into a well-decorated hallway. SAM He went to the Yankee game. TOBY Ritchie? SAM Yes. TOBY He's at the Yankee game right now? SAM Local news covered it. He said this was how ordinary Americans got their entertainment. TOBY I've been to 441 baseball games in Yankee Stadium. There's not a single person there who's ordinary. SAM I know. TOBY You making fun of the Yankees? SAM No. TOBY Now? SAM I'm not. TOBY They went to the Yankee game. SAM He's coming at intermission. TOBY Well, I'm not sure that suits me. SAM I know what you mean. TOBY Making an entrance after the President. That's just not how we play bridge. It's not how we say cricket. SAM Okay, but you're starting to freak me out a little bit. TOBY Just talk to me a minute. SAM How many people are at the game? TOBY It's a good game. About 40,000 probably. SAM There was an incumbent President, who was facing a primary challenge, and on the day of the primary, his staff sent his motorcade into a district that was heavily favored by his opponent in order to tie up traffic. Now I would like it plain that I would never do anything to temper an election, but... Toby pats Sam's cheek a few times and squishes his mouth. TOBY I am so... proud of you. SAM You're really very much freaking me out. Toby starts to fish his pocket for his cell phone. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - NIGHT Donna appears at the door. DONNA It's Toby on One. She leaves. Josh picks up the phone and presses a button. JOSH Hey. TOBY Hey. CUT TO: INT. THEATER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Toby continues talking to Josh on the phone, while Sam paces in front of him. TOBY Listen, I'm gonna send the motorcade up to Major Deegan. Is that okay with you? JOSH Why? TOBY [to Sam] Josh has a good point. We should think of a reason. JOSH Why don't you guys get back to me? TOBY How's it going? CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH They'll start voting in about half an hour. TOBY You bringing in Brenda? JOSH Yeah. TOBY I didn't hear you. JOSH Yeah, we're bringing in Brenda. We're gonna make her Chairman of the Platform Committee. TOBY Hey, did I put too much pressure on you with the vote? JOSH No. TOBY With the Ritchie meeting and the A.P. quote? JOSH No. TOBY And I understand the President jumped up and down on you pretty hard last week. JOSH It's over, Toby. We won. TOBY Amy's incredibly employable, Josh. JOSH [chuckles lightly] All right. TOBY All right. Josh hangs up the phone. An expression of guilt and exhaustion is on his face, even though he won the vote. Donna has been leaning on the doorway, listening. DONNA You did all right, okay? JOSH I bought her boss. DONNA Yeah, that's how you had to win this one. You think her job's really in jeopardy? JOSH No, she'll lose it for sure. Anyway, good job. [stands] See you tomorrow. DONNA You're not gonna stick around for the vote? JOSH We won by eight. Donna watches Josh leave the office. After a moment, she leaves as well. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. SECURITY VAN - NIGHT An agent watches the surveillance monitors. Shown on all three screens, Toby and Sam talks to some reporters in the designated press area. REPORTER 1 [VO] Toby, it's already intermission, and Governor Ritchie's stuck in traffic. He won't get here until the middle of the second act. CUT TO: EXT. PRESS AREA - CONTINUOUS TOBY He should have take the Cross Bronx to the West Side. REPORTER 2 Sam? SAM I don't know... but I want to tell you some good facts. $1.8 million raised for the Catholic charities tonight. Thanks to the people who made it. While we're talking, the House is passing the President's welfare reform bill, and he appreciates all the governors who worked the vote. TOBY And the Yankees are about to snap a 12-game winning streak. Thanks a lot. SAM What Toby means to say that if 90% of success is showing up, we're just happy that someone's standing up for the other ten. Sam and Toby turn to leave. TOBY I love the theater. SAM I know what you mean. CUT TO: INT. THEATER HALLWAY - NIGHT Bartlet is posing for pictures with a couple, while Charlie waits. When finished, the couple say their thanks. Bartlet walks with Charlie. BARTLET What's going on? CHARLIE Nothing, sir. [beat] I'll be arranging a second meeting with Deborah Fiderer when we get back to town. BARTLET From this afternoon? CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET Are you pledging a fraternity or something, 'cause this would be a good one. CHARLIE Sir? [stops] BARTLET What's with you and this woman? CHARLIE She hired me. That's why she was fired. Bartlet, a little surprised, just nods in agreement. They walk again. CUT TO: INT. A CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT A sharp-dressed, supposedly off-duty Simon Donovan walks in happily inside the convenience store. He walks past the bright flowers on the side and straight to the candy stand. The Korean grocer behind the counter stands still, while a customer by the corner browses the fruit stand. Simon grabs a Milky Way bar. SIMON [to the grocer] You happen to know if a Milky Way bar has red in it? He turns to the counter. The grocer, with his thick glasses, stays still, looking down. SIMON Sorry. Kidding. I'm gonna buy this, and... [looks at the flowers] ...and a flower. GROCER [quietly] No, no. We don't have that. SIMON No, I mean I'm gonna buy this. How much is it? GROCER No. It-It's okay. SIMON No. How much is it? GROCER You can go. Simon sees the open drawer of the cash machine. It's empty. The grocer is still in shock after the robbery. SIMON It's all right. The grocer backs a little when Simon pulls out his pistol from his concealed holster. He quickly cocks the gun and turns around, pointing the loaded weapon to the suspicious guy by the fruit stand. SIMON Don't move at all. I'm a Federal officer. The suspected man in the plain gray sweatshirt moves his hand. SIMON Don't reach. I'm Secret Service. You know you'll never get there. Put your hands in the air. The man complies as Simon steps closer. His gun is still aimed at the culprit. SIMON That's it. I want you to lie down face first on the floor. Let's go. The man nervously lies down on his stomach. Simon reaches him and puts both of the man's hands behind the back. SIMON Keep it up. You're doing great. Simon confiscates the man's weapon. He takes off his bow tie and uses it to cuff the man's hands. The grocer watches carefully behind his counter. SIMON You shouldn't get down on yourself. A Secret Service agent walking in the middle of an armed robbery -- that's just bad luck. You lie still, okay? Simon stands and speaks to his wrist mic, while slowly making his way back to the counter. SIMON This is Donovan. I need NYPD at a Korean grocery at 98th and Broadway. [to the grocer] Sir, I hate to be a problem customer, but if I don't get a Milky Way bar pretty soon... He is interrupted by movement and did not have time to react. Simon is immediately thrown backward by three deafening shots. A second robber has been hiding in the back aisle. The long-haired goon runs outside after shooting Simon. The grocer panics. He looks at Simon's body and runs out as well. In the background, a melancholy tune starts to play. CUT TO: INT. BROADWAY THEATER - NIGHT The play continues. Bartlet watches from his balcony. WOMAN Too... too unpardonable. Off with the crown, and with the crown, his head. And whilst we breathe, take time to do him dead. YOUNG MAN That is my office for my father's sake. WOMAN Nay. Stay. Let's hear the orisons he makes. OLDER MAN She-wolf of France! But worse than wolves of France, whose tongue more poisons... Bartlet stands and leaves. In the other balcony, Ron gets C.J.'s attention. They walk out. CUT TO: INT. THEATER ENTRANCE - NIGHT Ron delivers the horrible news. C.J. listens attentively. Outside, a barrage of lights shine. The song "Hallelujah" continues. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? C.J. Somebody's made a mistake. He was just on his way to the field office... RON No. C.J. tries hard to accept the news, putting her hand on her forehead. The song drains out their conversation. It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth The minor fall, the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujahs. Hallelujah... C.J. Excuse me. CUT TO: INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT The police have arrived, taking pictures of Simon's body. He is still down on the ground, beside the many flowers. Hallelujah... CUT TO: EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT C.J. is teary-eyed. She walks amongst the people, the lights, the confusion. She bumps into someone, who just walks on. Well, your faith was strong, but you needed proof You saw her bathing on the roof Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you She tied you to a kitchen chair She broke your throne, she cut your hair And from your lips, she drew the hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah... C.J. finds a bench to sit on. She gazes up and ahead, still crying. CUT TO: INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT Ron sees the fallen agent, and kneels down beside him. Hallelujah, Hallelujah... CUT TO: INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Josh and Amy walk to the kitchen. The same song is faintly heard in the background. JOSH What'd you think I was gonna do? AMY I thought you were gonna do this. JOSH And? AMY And I didn't think it was gonna work. JOSH Are you fired? AMY I'm resigning on Monday. JOSH Do you have to? AMY I had an entire policy initiative reversed in an hour. Weren't you given the chance to get the votes you needed by setting up a meeting with Ritchie? JOSH I'm not a dating service. AMY [slams the fridge] What is wrong with you?! JOSH Every serious Democrat is gonna unite behind this President, and I'm not kidding around. AMY Every serious Democrat should be thinking about leading and not following. JOSH Yeah? How's it going so far? AMY Matter of fact, it's going all right, and I'd do it again. JOSH That's what's scaring the hell out of me. AMY Good. It's about time. The phone in the living room rings. JOSH You can't win the White House while the middle class thinks you disdain work and responsibility. AMY I would hope not, and I congratulate you for punishing poor women as the symbol of the strength of mainstream values. JOSH That's not what we did. Amy walks to the phone and picks it up. AMY Hello? JOSH Do you not consider it relevant that it would be worse with Rob Ritchie in the White House? Why is that not part of the equation? AMY Honey, Simon Donovan was shot and killed. Josh stops and reaches to answer the phone. And the holy dove was moving too And every breath we drew was hallelujah. CUT TO: INT. THEATER HALLWAY - NIGHT Hallelujah... It's the play's first intermission. Leo walks along the dark terrace hallway. He sees Bartlet by the corner, peering downstairs. They meet and talk quietly. BARTLET Civilians get trials. LEO I'd argue he's not a civilian. So would the Attorney General. BARTLET They're gonna find out it's us. We could make it look like the plane went down, but they're gonna find out it's us, and I'm gonna be running for reelection while I'm fighting a war against Qumar. LEO That's why you want to say no? BARTLET I want him tried. LEO That can't happen. BARTLET I understand. LEO I was talking this morning about how Mallory names all the lobsters in the tank. BARTLET Yeah. LEO Would it be helpful if I brought you a list of names of Shareef's victims? BARTLET What do you want from me? LEO Who was the monk who wrote, "I always don't know the right thing to do, Lord, but I think the fact that I want to please you pleases you." [beat] You have two minutes, sir. BARTLET This isn't a matter of religion. LEO Yes, sir. BARTLET I recognize that there's evil in the world. LEO What is your objection exactly, sir? BARTLET Doesn't this mean we join the league of ordinary nations? LEO That's your objection? I'm not gonna have trouble saying the Pledge of Allegiance tomorrow. BARTLET That's not my objection. LEO Sir... BARTLET It's just wrong. It's absolutely wrong. LEO I know, but you have to do it anyway. BARTLET Why? LEO 'Cause you won. Bartlet pauses. He starts to walk away, but he stops right in front of Leo's shoulder. BARTLET Take him. He continues on his way. Silent. Leo grabs his phone and dials. CUT TO: INT. THEATER MESS - NIGHT Bartlet walks down a flight of stairs, past the men's bathroom. A shadow of a man is cast on the bathroom door, while the man washes his hands. Bartlet lights his cigarette in the mess. A female employee spots him. BARTLET [smiling] Caught me. Behind Bartlet, Governor ROBERT RITCHIE exits the bathroom. Ritchie sees the President and approaches. ROBERT RITCHIE Mr. President. BARTLET Governor. RITCHIE You enjoying the play? BARTLET I am. How about you? RITCHIE We just got here. We were at the Yankee game. We were, you know, hung up in traffic. BARTLET Yeah, I know. Listen, politics aside, and I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you probably insulted the church, and you can head it off at the pass if you speak to the Cardinal tonight. RITCHIE Well, I didn't mean to insult anybody. BARTLET No. RITCHIE And it's a baseball game. It's how ordinary Americans... BARTLET Yeah. [beat] No, I don't understand that. The center fielder for the Yankees is an accomplished classical guitarist. People who like baseball can't like books? RITCHIE Are you taking this personally? BARTLET No. Something horrible happened about an hour ago. The two find a place to sit across each other. BARTLET C.J. Cregg was getting threats so we put an agent on her. He's a good guy. He was on my detail for a while, and he was in Rosslyn. He walked in the middle of an armed robbery, and was shot and killed after detaining one of the suspects. RITCHIE Oh. Crime. Boy, I don't know. BARTLET [sighs] We should have a great debate, Rob. We owe it to everyone. When I was running as a governor, I didn't know anything. I made them start Bartlet college in my dining room. Two hours every morning on foreign affairs and the military. You can do that. RITCHIE How many different ways you think you're gonna find to call me dumb? BARTLET I wasn't, Rob. But you've turned being un-engaged into a Zen-like thing, and you shouldn't enjoy it so much is all, and if it appears at times as if I don't like you, that's the reason why. RITCHIE You're what my friends call a superior sumbitch. You're an academic elitist and a snob. You're, uh, Hollywood, you're weak, you're liberal, and you can't be trusted. And if it appears from time to time as if I don't like you, well, those are just a few of the many reasons why. The start of a great tune is played inside the theater. BARTLET They're playing my song. Bartlet stands and heads to the stairs, but he turns to Ritchie before reaching them. BARTLET In the future, if you're wondering, "Crime. Boy, I don't know" is when I decided to kick your ass. Ritchie can't help but smile as Bartlet heads upstairs. CUT TO: INT. BROADWAY THEATER - NIGHT A bright, young boy runs center stage. He starts to sing. England arise. Join in the chorus. This is a new made song, You should be... singing. See in the skies, fluttering before us, What the bright bird of peace is bringing Ah... Other actors walk on stage, joining the boy in the chorus. See upon a smiling land Where the wealth of nations stand. CUT TO: EXT. REMOTE LANDING STRIP IN BERMUDA - NIGHT A man distributes loaded rifles to each sniper. The chorus song is still heard aloud. Where prosperity and industry Walk ever hand in hand. Where so many blessings crowd 'Tis our duty to be proud. Up and answer English yeoman CUT TO: INT. SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT Fitzwallace is alone in the room, waiting by the phone. The song continues. Sing it joyfully aloud! Back in the LANDING STRIP, a private plane lands. A sniper watches via night vision. Every garner filled with grain Every meadow blessed with rain. Abdul Shareef and his two bodyguards exit the plane. They look around unknowingly. The snipers take aim and fire, sending Shareef and the bodyguards down on the ground. Dead. Rich and fertile is the golden corn That bears and bears again. Bartlet stares at the stage THEATER. In the LANDING STRIP, one of the snipers takes the pen recorder from Shareef and attaches it to a compatible phone. Fitzwallace picks up the phone in the SITUATION ROOM. Where so many blessings crowd 'Tis our duty to be proud. In the theater HALLWAY, Leo answers his phone. Bartlet turns his head to look. Up and answer English yeoman Sing it joyfully aloud! The actors in the stage are now waving several flags. From behind them, the lights get blocked from time to time. In the hallway, Leo hangs up. Bartlet stands. Upon our country God will pour his rich increase, Bartlet and Leo meet. Bled out by the loud singing, Leo relays the news before walking away. And victorious in war Shall be made glorious in peace. Glorious in peace. Glorious in peace. Glorious in peace. Glorious... Bartlet steps behind a curtain, casting a silhouette. For a while, Bartlet's shadow just stands out, and it is the only thing we see. ...in peace! In peace! In peace! DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 3.21 -- "Posse Comitatus" Original Airdate: May 22, 2002, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: Giorgio June 24, 2002