THE WEST WING “SOMEBODY'S GOING TO EMERGENCY, SOMEBODY'S GOING TO JAIL” WRITTEN BY: PAUL REDFORD & AARON SORKIN DIRECTED BY: JESSICA YU TEASER The intro to Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays. FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - EARLY MORNING FADE TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS A staffer delivers mail. FADE TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - CONTINUOUS Two White House guards changes shifts. FADE TO: HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Leo enters. Lying here in the darkness I hear the sirens wail Somebody’s going to emergency Somebody’s going to jail. CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Sam is sleeping on couch. If you find somebody to love in the world You better hang on tooth and nail The wolf is always at the door. Leo looks in and sees Sam. In a New York Minute, everything can change In a New York minute... LEO Sam? The song continues, Sam wakes up. SAM What day is this? LEO It’s Friday. SAM I’m sorry. I meant... I’m sorry. What time is it? LEO You sleep here last night? SAM I’m sorry? LEO You slept here? SAM I don’t have a couch in my office. LEO Yeah, but you have a bed in your house, right? The song fades out. SAM I need to change my shirt. LEO Maybe you need to go home for a while. SAM What are you doing here so early? LEO Trying to avoid the protesters. Metro police closed a four-block radius around the World Bank and made Pennsylvania Avenue one way from M to 21st. They exit Toby’s office and walk through THE WEST WING. LEO Seventeenth and 15th are closed to Independence Avenue and Constitution’s closed between 23rd and the Ellipse. SAM Did you take Dupont? LEO Dupont had two turns closed off with metal barricades and cop cars. So, I took P to Logan Circle, which was also blocked. So, I made a U-turn and doubled back to get on 16th, where there was a police cordon around the National Geographic Society. They enter LEO'S OFFICE. SAM Who has a problem with the National Geographic Society? LEO That’s exactly what I want to know. SAM Anyway, I’m going to change my shirt. LEO What’s going on with the pardon recommendations? SAM They’re coming together. I’ve reviewed the recommendations from Justice and the OPA and Tribbey’s office had its own recommendations. LEO How many are you sending in? SAM Eighteen, I think, now. Mail fraud, securities fraud, and truly the most bogus drug bust I’ve ever seen. LEO Don’t retry the cases. SAM I’m not retrying the cases. I’m reading the material I’m supposed to read. I’m making the recommendations I’m supposed to make. The guy was tried in Spain and found guilty of a crime he was obviously too stupid to commit. LEO Sam, go home, would you? SAM No, I’m just going to change my shirt. LEO You look bad. You’re tired, you slept in the office. It’s Friday. Go home. SAM Why? LEO ‘Cause I think you’re putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt. SAM Leo. LEO Josh told me what happened... with your parents. Sam... SAM Yeah? LEO My father had affairs. SAM Did he? LEO Yeah. SAM My father didn’t pick up a cocktail waitress, Leo. He’s had a woman in an apartment in Santa Monica... LEO Yeah? SAM ...for 28 years. LEO How’d he get caught? SAM My father, it turns out, is stupider than the guy in Spain. So, the real question is how did he not get caught until now? LEO Yeah. SAM Anyway, I’ll see you at the staff meeting later. Sam leaves the office, enters the YELLOW HALL. LEO [calls after him] Sam. Leo joins Sam in the hall, and they walk. SAM Yeah? LEO When did you find out? SAM Tuesday. LEO You slept here the last three nights? SAM No. LEO Seriously, man, go home. SAM No, I’m going to check the final OPA list. In fact, I’ll be checking it twice... see who’s been naughty, see who’s been nice. LEO Sam. SAM Life goes on, Leo. Certainly the Federal Government does, so... Thanks, but let’s drop it, okay? LEO Yeah. SAM They’re expecting trouble at the National Geographic Society? LEO I have no explanation. SAM Well, those little postcards they stick in the subscription magazines drive me out of my mind, so, maybe... LEO Yeah. SAM I’ll see you later. Sam enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. GINGER Hey, Sam. [into phone] This is Ginger, it’s 6:35. I’ve opened the Communications Office. SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES. END TEASER * * * ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY JOSH [VO] It’s a good speech. LEO [VO] The Andrew Jackson speech? CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS JOSH Yeah. LEO It is a good speech. JOSH And it gets better every year. But... LEO What? JOSH You’re not going to give it, right? LEO Sure. JOSH Why? LEO Because it’s Big Block of Cheese Day, Josh. They exit the office, walk through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA. JOSH Yeah, see, but we know it’s Big Block of Cheese Day. And we know why it’s called Big Block of Cheese Day. So, there’s really no need for the speech. LEO Except it wouldn’t be Big Block of Cheese Day without the speech, now, would it? JOSH Well, let’s find out. Maybe it would. LEO How did you get to work this morning? JOSH I walked. LEO Ah. JOSH Yeah. LEO How is it out there? JOSH Uh, it’s pretty loud. LEO World Policy Studies is holding a forum this morning. I’m going to send Toby. JOSH That’s a good idea. LEO Why? JOSH Well, ‘cause you’re not sending me. LEO Look, I... JOSH Leo, the World Bank and the WTO are international organizations of which the U.S. is one member. Why isn’t Switzerland the one? LEO ‘Cause they’re not protesting in Switzerland... they’re protesting on 18th Street, and I don’t want to be asked how come no one from the White House ever met with them. JOSH Well, that seems reasonable. LEO I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have your approval on that. JOSH But you’re still going to do the speech. They stop outside the Roosevelt Room. LEO Got to. Little thing called team morale, Josh. You gotta make people feel good about themselves. Leo and Josh enter THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Approximately 35 staffers are standing or sitting at the table. LEO All right, shut the hell up, everybody. I’ve fired more people than you before breakfast. Complete silence ensues. Leo goes to stand at the head of the table. LEO Andrew Jackson,... [staffers groan] ...in the main foyer of the White House had a big block of cheese. The block of cheese was huge... C.J. Leo, who made these assignments? LEO I think this will go faster if I’m not interrupted, don’t you? C.J. I’m meeting with the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality? MARGARET Yes. C.J. What do mapmakers have to do with social equality? LEO I guess you’re about to find out. C.J. Well, probably not, because I won’t really be listening to them. LEO The block of cheese was huge... LARRY Excuse me, Leo. C.J., I got NIH research funding for cancer treatment using shark cartilage, if you want to trade. ED I’ll take that. LARRY What do you got? ED Citizens for D.C. Statehood. LARRY Forget it. DONNA I’ve got the Kemp’s Ridley Sea Turtle Society, but I’m keeping it. LEO You’re all keeping it. I’m sure Margaret worked long and hard to make sure that the appropriate petitioner went to the appropriate staffer. Margaret shakes head ‘no’, Leo turns to look at her, and she nods ‘yes’. LEO The block of cheese was two tons, and was there for any and all who might be hungry... TOBY [enters] Excuse me. I was waylaid. C.J. By what? TOBY 30,000 tourists. LARRY You know, the protesters. TOBY No, don’t call them protesters, I’ve seen better organized crowds at the DMV. LEO Two tons this block of cheese weighed... TOBY [still muttering] In my day, we knew how to protest. C.J. What day was that? TOBY 1968. JOSH How the hell old were you when you were protesting? TOBY My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that? LEO No one has a problem with that. TOBY The police are always seven steps ahead of them. The cops know exactly where they’re going to be and what’s going to happen. You know how they know? By logging onto their website. We had the underground. We had rapid response. C.J. And by God, you were home by supper on a school night. TOBY These people are amateurs. What’s my assignment? LEO Meeting with the amateurs. TOBY Huh? LEO World Policy Studies is having a forum... there’ll be about a hundred of them. TOBY Doing what? LEO Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas. TOBY Really? LEO Josh thinks it’s a good idea. TOBY Oh well, if Josh thinks it’s a good idea, then you bet, I’ll do it. LEO Look... TOBY What else is there? C.J. I’ve got Cartographers for Social Equality. JOSH So, now you have two choices... meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic mapmakers. TOBY Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want. LEO Seriously, Toby, there’ll be security there. But still... TOBY What about press? C.J. Just wires. TOBY No, I mean T.V. C.J. No cameras. TOBY You negotiated that? C.J. Yeah. TOBY They agreed to it? C.J. You want to make out with me right now, don’t you? TOBY Well, when don’t I? [to Margaret] Give me the thing. LEO Okay, then. Andrew Jackson in the main foyer of the White House had a two-ton block of cheese. JOSH And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe. The staffers giggle. An aide hands Donna a note. LEO It was there for any and all who were hungry. It was there for the voiceless, the faceless... Donna leaves. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Donna exits to the hallway, where STEPHANIE GAULT is waiting. DONNA Stephanie. STEPHANIE GAULT [whispering] Hi. You look great. DONNA Thank you. Why are you talking like that? STEPHANIE I don’t want to shout. DONNA But we can use our normal voices though, right? STEPHANIE Never been in the White House. DONNA If you wait till later tonight, I’ll give you a tour. STEPHANIE Did I get you out of something? DONNA No, I meant we’re not allowed to give tours until after 10:00 when the President’s out of the west wing. STEPHANIE Oh. DONNA Come with me. STEPHANIE The President works until 10:00? DONNA He usually works until after that, but he leaves the Oval at 10. We’ll go in Josh’s office. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS STEPHANIE Donna, I am getting you out of something though, right? DONNA Nothing, you got me out of the Big Block of Cheese Day meeting. STEPHANIE What’s...? DONNA I had the worst feeling you were going to ask. Andrew Jackson, while he was President, had in the main foyer of the White House - I can’t believe I’m giving this speech - a two-ton block of cheese. In that spirit, Leo McGarry designates one day for certain senior staff members to take appointments with people or groups that wouldn’t ordinarily be able to get the ear of the White House. STEPHANIE Sounds amazing. DONNA We make a lot of fun of it but truth is, I think it is. STEPHANIE Um, I’m sorry to, uh... DONNA Oh, yeah. Donna closes the door, comes back and sits across from Stephanie. STEPHANIE Were you able to mention me to Sam Seaborn? DONNA I wasn’t... I haven’t yet and I apologize. STEPHANIE No, that’s okay. DONNA Sam’s just... it’s been a bad week for Sam. STEPHANIE It’s just that from everything I’ve been told, the President listens to Sam Seaborn when it comes to... DONNA Yeah. DONNA I should have said this on the phone. I’m not that comfortable with... STEPHANIE That’s.... DONNA It puts him in an awkward position if he has to say "no," and something like this, if it seems like a favor... [beat] Steph, is your dad dying? Stephanie nods softly. DONNA Okay, listen. When we’re in with Sam, mention what you’ve just said before, that from everything you’ve heard, he’s the man. He’ll want to impress you and show you that he’s got access to the President. STEPHANIE Wait a minute. You’re really getting me in to see him? It’s really all right? DONNA Yeah, it’s Big Block of Cheese Day. [picks up phone] It’s me. I need some time with Sam. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY BARTLET I don’t really need to see the ten-year numbers. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS STAFFER We think it’d be a good idea to take a look at them, sir. BARTLET Have the ten-year projections ever been close to accurate? STAFFER Depends on what you mean by ‘close’. BARTLET Within a trillion dollars. STAFFER No, sir, but we’d like you to take a look at them anyway. BARTLET Okay. Bring me the ten-year projection, a Ouija board and a magic wand. STAFFER Yes, sir. Thank you, Mr. President. Bartlet enters the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. BARTLET What’s next? CHARLIE Sir, I need just a moment to discuss a fax that’s coming through. BARTLET From whom? CHARLIE Jonathan Bartlet. They enter THE OVAL OFFICE. BARTLET That name sounds familiar. CHARLIE He’s your brother. BARTLET Yes. I remember being locked in a steamer trunk. CHARLIE That doesn’t sound so bad. BARTLET There were actual steamers in there with me, Charlie. I was in there with seafood. CHARLIE Okay. Well, here’s the thing, Mr. President. BARTLET We lost the site. CHARLIE You lost the first choice. BARTLET Why? CHARLIE Your brother’s been speaking with Neda Wallin, counsel to the Bartlet Presidential Library Commission and apparently the site violates the Historic Barn and Bridges Preservation Act. BARTLET Which says? CHARLIE I’ve got it here in my notes. "Requires that all non-housing farm and ranch structures built prior to 1900 be preserved by the owners unless destroyed by an act of God". BARTLET What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating, yahoo of a milkman governor signed that idiot bill into state law? [beat, while Charlie keeps his eyes down] It was me, wasn’t it? CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET Okay. CHARLIE They’d like a green light to go ahead with the second site. BARTLET Yeah, go ahead. CHARLIE Thank you, sir. BARTLET No. CHARLIE I’m sorry? BARTLET No, don’t go ahead with the site. I just... [sighs] Tell my brother to hang on, would you? I’ll make a decision. I don’t know what the damn hurry is. CHARLIE Yes, sir. [exits] CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY SAM Bonnie, I now need the ten-year OMB projections, as well. BONNIE Are those ever accurate? SAM No. BONNIE And you got another call from... SAM Thanks. Sam takes notes, crumples it and puts it in his pocket. Donna enters with Stephanie. DONNA Sam? SAM Oh, hey. How you doing? DONNA Sam, this is Stephanie Gault. Stephanie, this is Sam. STEPHANIE It’s good to meet you. SAM Come on in. All three enter SAM'S OFFICE and sit down. DONNA Stephanie and I were at Wisconsin together and we bonded as the result of mutual loathing for the same ex-boyfriend. She’s an associate professor of International Relations at the Maxwell School. SAM What are you doing in town? STEPHANIE Believe it or not, I advise the WTO in certain areas of macroeconomics, so a global monetary crisis can’t be very far off. SAM What can I do for you? STEPHANIE [sighs] Sam, my grandfather was Daniel Gault. SAM Really? STEPHANIE Yeah. SAM [to Donna] You know who Daniel Gault was? DONNA He was a staffer here in the ‘40s. SAM He was a Special Economic Assistant to FDR and Special Liaison to State for Eastern European Affairs. STEPHANIE Donna knows the rest. DONNA He was jailed for espionage and died in prison six months later. SAM He wasn’t put in jail for espionage. They couldn’t make espionage. He was put in jail for perjury for lying in front of HUAC. DONNA Sam, Stephanie would like her grandfather included among those being considered for an executive pardon. STEPHANIE And from everything I’ve learned you’re the only person to speak to about this. That you have the ear of the President. SAM Yeah. [sighs] It’s impossible to demonstrate remorse since he’s no longer alive. Demonstrating his innocence is extremely complicated. STEPHANIE Yes, but you’ve already done it. SAM Excuse me? STEPHANIE You’ve already demonstrated his innocence and in an extraordinarily compelling way. You’ve also spoken eloquently on the need for his pardon. SAM When did I do that? STEPHANIE At Princeton, for 23 pages in the middle of your thesis. [places some papers on his desk] SAM Where did you get that? STEPHANIE You sent it to my father. SAM I did. STEPHANIE I know it doesn’t seem like there should be much of a rush about getting a pardon for someone who’s been dead fifty years, but time’s become a factor. SAM Your father’s sick? STEPHANIE Yeah. SAM You guys want to go to the mess and get some coffee or something? DONNA Yeah. CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY The protesters are on the sidewalks, yelling. Toby is sitting in a car, whistling. The car stops, and he rolls the window down. TOBY Toby Ziegler. OFFICER Yeah. Toby continues whistling as he gets out of car. CUT TO: INT. BUILDING - CONTINUOUS RHONDA SACHS, another police officer, is standing by the door. OFFICER [over radio] Rhonda, this guy coming in is Toby Ziegler. SACHS Copy that. Toby enters. SACHS Mr. Ziegler? TOBY Yes, ma’am. SACHS Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece. TOBY You fully trained? SACHS Yes. TOBY How many different ways you know how to kill a man? SACHS How many different ways do I need? TOBY I like you. SACHS Thank you. TOBY Officer Sachs? SACHS Yeah? TOBY It’s going to be a day at the beach. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY Sam, Stephanie and Donna are at a table. Josh is sitting alone behind them, waiting. SAM You do understand how it works? STEPHANIE Yeah. SAM Recommendations come from the OPA... Office of the Pardon Attorney. Then the President gets into it, and more often than not, sends it to Counsel’s office for a further review. So... it can be a bit of a drawn-out process. STEPHANIE Yeah. SAM What I’m going to do today is speak to somebody at the Justice Department. STEPHANIE Which branch of the Justice Department? SAM The FBI. STEPHANIE Sam... SAM I know, but I won’t start in on something like this without giving them a heads-up. STEPHANIE My father requested the file in the late ‘70s and was denied. He sued under Freedom of Information and the judge ruled that the file couldn’t be completely disclosed because it met three of nine exemptions allowed. SAM National Defense and Foreign Relations Information, Internal Agency Rules and Practices, and Personal Privacy. STEPHANIE All of which is because the FBI is simply embarrassed about this period in their history. SAM I know, and that’s why I have to give them a heads-up. Does Donna know how to get in touch with you later? I’d like to tell you how it’s going. We have your number at the hotel? STEPHANIE Yeah. DONNA Actually, we’re meeting for dinner tonight. SAM Stephanie, the reason I mentioned before that it could be a drawn-out process... STEPHANIE [sighs] I understand. I just need to be able to give him some good news. He’s a s-sweet man in a bow tie, Sam. His father... He’s been trying for so long to... SAM Yeah. Okay, I’ll see you later then. Josh comes over. JOSH Hey, Steph. STEPHANIE Hey, Josh. DONNA You’re across the street in five minutes. JOSH Yeah. SAM [to Josh] I’m walking out with you. STEPHANIE Sam, thank you. SAM Yeah. Sam and Josh exit the mess to the STAIRS. JOSH You on the Gault thing? SAM Yeah. JOSH That’s nice of you. I appreciate that. SAM Yeah. I’ll give the Bureau a heads-up. JOSH They’re not going to be happy about it. SAM No kidding. JOSH Did you know that Lincoln signed a pardon on the day he was assassinated? SAM Yeah. JOSH You know the guy’s name? SAM Patrick Murphy. JOSH You know what he was pardoned for? SAM Being a Union deserter. JOSH Am I annoying you? SAM A little bit, yeah. JOSH I was trying to make you laugh. SAM I appreciate that. Can I see your friend at the FBI? JOSH Yeah. Can I tell him why? SAM Yeah. JOSH Hey, you want to have a lot of fun? Seriously. Sit in on C.J.’s meeting with the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality. SAM Where’s the social inequality in cartography? JOSH I don’t know. That’s why I’m going. SAM You’ll call the guy? JOSH Yeah. SAM Thanks. JOSH That a new shirt? SAM Yeah. JOSH Nice. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. A SMALL AUDITORIUM - DAY The protesters are gathered, yelling. Toby and Rhonda are on stage in the front. TOBY Fire your gun. SACHS I can’t fire a warning shot indoors. TOBY No, I mean fire at them. [beat] Just kidding. TOBY [to lead protester Webber] Hey, Solzhenitsyn. Come here. You’re the group leader? TERRY WEBBER Yeah, I am. I’m Terry Webber. TOBY You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the cameras. With cameras in here I’ve got a problem ‘cause I don’t want to look like I can’t control the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here, read the sports section for two hours, walk outside and say we talked. So, if you guys want to talk, that’s fine. But you’re in charge of crowd control, know what I’m saying? WEBBER Yeah. [over bullhorn] Folks. People, let’s listen up. The yelling subsides. TOBY Good morning... [microphone doesn’t work, raises voice] Good morning, my name is Toby Ziegler and I’m the White House Communications Director and a senior domestic policy advisor to the President. PROTESTER 1 Advise him we need clean air more than free trade! Yelling begins again. PROTESTER 2 How many 12-year-olds made your shoes, Toby!? GROUP Global justice now! Global justice now! Global justice now! TOBY [to Sachs] You want to send out for pizza or something? GROUP Global justice now! Global justice now! Toby sits down with a newspaper and puts his feet on the table. CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING HALLWAY - DAY Sam walks to the front desk. RECEPTIONIST Yes, sir? SAM I’m here to see Special Agent Casper. My name is Sam Seaborn. RECEPTIONIST Seaborn? SAM Yeah. RECEPTIONIST I’m sorry, I’m not seeing your name here. Agent Casper knows you’re coming? SPECIAL AGENT MIKE CASPER [from down the hall] Sam. CUT TO: INT. CASPER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Sam and Casper enter. SAM How are you doing, Mike? Casper slams the door, and both sit down. CASPER Just requesting the file on Daniel Gault is so wildly outside the parameters of your authority as a political appointee... SAM I came here to... CASPER Listen... SAM Mike, you guys got it wrong and you know it. CASPER Really? SAM Yes. CASPER What else do I know? SAM Michael, I gave you the heads-up as a courtesy. I don’t need your permission to go to the OPA. I don’t need your permission to tell the press why I did. CASPER Sam, the guy did six months for a capital crime. Now you want to get him a Presidential pardon? SAM He did six months for perjury before vexingly dying of a heart attack. CASPER You know why? SAM ‘Cause the prosecutor couldn’t make espionage. CASPER That’s right. SAM Well, why do you suppose that was? CASPER I don’t suppose, I know. It was because the U.S. Attorney blew it. SAM Twelve jurors say no and you’re still... CASPER The man was named by Joe McCarthy as part... SAM The "20 Years of Treason". CASPER Yes. Which was called at the time, a conspiracy on a scale so immense as to dwarf any previous venture in the history of man. SAM Somebody, wake me up from this ‘cause I think you just deputized Joe McCarthy into your argument. CASPER My point... SAM You know who else was on that list? CASPER Sam. SAM General George Marshall, author of the Marshall Plan and mentor to Eisenhower. Course that was after he won World War II. CASPER We made more than we missed. SAM Owen Lattimore, I.F. Stone. CASPER Not everybody at State was wrongly accused. SAM You guys rounded up some pretty dangerous TV comedy writers, too. CASPER Sam... SAM Ring Larder's just died. How many years does he get back? CASPER Listen to me. The Bureau’s had moments in its past that it’s not proud of. I’ll bet if we comb through the fine print of history we might be able to find one or two occupants of the Oval Office who could say the same thing. [Sam lowers his eyes.] But the difference is our failures are public and our successes are private. So when we apprehend an enemy of the state, like say, a fugitive member of West Virginia White Pride we don’t take a curtain call on Sunday with Sam and Cokie. When we learned that it wasn’t the Secret Service who ordered the canopy down in Rosslyn we kept it to ourselves. SAM Please, God, Mike. Please tell me you weren’t just threatening Toby Ziegler. CASPER I wasn’t, Sam. SAM Good. CASPER Yeah. SAM Anyway... "Because the Bureau will be embarrassed" isn’t a good enough reason. I’m putting Daniel Gault on the list. I just wanted to give you a heads-up. CASPER Anything else? SAM Nope. Sam exits. Casper picks up the phone and starts dialing. CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY People are standing near the podium with an AV display. C.J. enters, passes a sign that reads "Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality." C.J. Hi. I’m sorry. DR. JOHN FALLOW Hello. C.J. I’m sorry to be late. FALLOW Not a problem. C.J. I’m C.J. Cregg. FALLOW Of course you are. I’m Dr. John Fallow. This is Dr. Cynthia Sayles and Professor Donald Huke. C.J. Huke? DONALD HUKE Huke. C.J. Okay. And you are the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality. FALLOW Well, we’re from the OCSE. We have many members. C.J. How many? FALLOW 4300 dues-paying members. C.J. What are the dues? FALLOW $20 a year for the newsletter. C.J. Let’s start. Josh enters from the back of room. JOSH Wait. Wait, I want to see this. C.J. This is Josh Lyman. FALLOW Indeed you are. C.J. Josh, this is Dr. Fallow... JOSH Hi. C.J. ...and his merry men. The cartographers laugh politely. FALLOW Yes. C.J. Should we begin? FALLOW Yes. C.J. and Josh sit down. FALLOW Plain and simple, we’d like President Bartlet to aggressively support legislation that would make it mandatory for every public school in America to teach geography using the Peters Projection Map instead of the traditional Mercator. JOSH Give me 200 bucks and it’s done. HUKE Really? C.J. No. Why are we changing maps? DR. CYNTHIA SAYLES Because, C.J., the Mercator Projection has fostered European imperialist attitudes for centuries and created an ethnic bias against a Third World. C.J. Really? Fallow brings the map up on the projector. FALLOW The German cartographer, Mercator, originally designed this map in 1569 as a navigational tool for European sailors. HUKE The map enlarges areas at the poles to create straight lines of constant bearing or geographic direction. CYNTHIA SAYLES So, it makes it easier to cross an ocean. FALLOW But... C.J. Yes? FALLOW It distorts the relative size of nations and continents. C.J. Are you saying the map is wrong? FALLOW Oh, dear, yes. Uh, look at Greenland. C.J. Okay... FALLOW Now look at Africa. C.J. Okay... FALLOW The two landmasses appear to be roughly the same size. C.J. Yes. FALLOW Would it blow your mind if I told you that Africa is in reality fourteen times larger? Josh nudges C.J. with his knee, C.J. pushes him back. C.J. Yes. SAYLES Here we have Europe drawn considerably larger than South America when at 6.9 million square miles South America is almost double the size of Europe’s 3.8 million. HUKE Alaska appears three times as large as Mexico, when Mexico is larger by .1 million square miles. SAYLES Germany appears in the middle of the map when it’s in the northernmost quarter of the Earth. JOSH Wait, wait. Relative size is one thing, but you’re telling me that Germany isn’t where we think it is? FALLOW Nothing’s where you think it is. C.J. Where is it? FALLOW I’m glad you asked. [brings up a new map, which has its continents significally squished northward] The Peters Projection. C.J. and Josh lean forward. SAYLES It has fidelity of axis. HUKE Fidelity of position. SAYLES East-west lines are parallel and intersect north-south axes at right angles. C.J. What the hell is that? FALLOW It’s where you’ve been living this whole time. Should we continue? JOSH Uh-huh. CUT TO: INT. WORLD POLICY AUDITORIUM - DAY The crowd is still yelling. Toby and Rhonda are at a table on stage. WEBBER [to protesters] Look, I’m not saying that we’re going to like their answers. I’m saying we’re going to give him a chance to talk. Now if you do have a question... PROTESTER 4 Yeah, my question is who elected his boss the people or Kaiser-Permanente? PROTESTER 5 He’s not my President, let’s vote. PROTESTER 6 Who do you really work for? More yelling. SACHS [to Toby] You’re having a pretty good time, aren’t you? TOBY Well, it’s not like being at a Yankee game. PROTESTER 7 You suck! TOBY Well, actually... [chuckles] Yeah, it’s like being at a Yankee game. SACHS So, Toby? TOBY Officer? SACHS Since you’re not really doing anything right now, I was wondering, what’s this all about? TOBY It’s about the WTO, Rhonda, the World Trade Organization. SACHS Well, I get that from the signs and the newspapers. TOBY The World Trade Organization’s a group of 140 countries who have agreed to specific trade policies. SACHS So, what’s wrong with that? TOBY Nothing’s wrong with that. SACHS What would they say if I asked them the same question? TOBY They’d say the WTO benefits corporations and not people. SACHS Does it? TOBY Benefits both. [pause] Look at them. SACHS Yeah. TOBY Philistines. SACHS Take my nightstick and go kick their ass. TOBY Yeah, make all the jokes you want but let me tell you something they claim to speak for the underprivileged but here in the blackest city in America, I’m looking at a room with no black faces. No Asians, No Hispanics. Where the hell’s the Third World they claim to represent? SACHS Lot of Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there? TOBY You’re starting to bother me. SACHS That’s ‘cause I’m armed. TOBY No, I like that. [pause] I’m going outside. The crowd continues yelling. CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY Sam enters, followed by Charlie. They walk. CHARLIE Hey, Sam. SAM Hey, Charlie, what’s going on? CHARLIE The President lost his first choice of a site for the library. SAM What happened? CHARLIE There’s an 18th century farmhouse they can’t take down. SAM They’ll find another site. CHARLIE Yeah, anyway, he’s kind of in a mood. SAM They shouldn’t be talking to him now about the library, anyway. We’re not going anywhere for a few years, right? CHARLIE Well, I think that’s what’s got him in a mood. SAM Yeah. Charlie continues walking, Sam breaks off and enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. GINGER Sam, you just got a call. SAM Ginger, do me a favor and catch the calls. I’m going to lie down in Toby’s office for a few minutes. GINGER Sam, it was the National Security Advisor. Sam takes note. CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY Nancy McNally is alone, talking on the phone at the table. NANCY Well, he’s talking about force protection, right? I’m sorry, Colonel, that was me. He’s talking about force protection? Right, but the President’s going to ask me about the readiness issue. The door opens, Sam enters, and Nancy waves him over to the table. NANCY I’m saying he’s going to want to distinguish readiness and force protection. No, that was me again. [to Sam with hand over receiver] I’m the only woman on a conference call. Delaney can’t tell when it’s me talking. Do I have a bizarrely androgynous voice? Sam shrugs and sits down. NANCY [into phone] Excuse me, I’m going to step off for just a minute. Nancy hangs up phone, Sam sighs. NANCY How you doing? SAM Good. NANCY Good. Drop Daniel Gault. SAM Nancy... NANCY Drop Daniel Gault, do it right now. SAM Why? NANCY ‘Cause I just told you to. SAM Nancy, I’m a lawyer. Let’s let reason and logic have its moment. There was one witness. NANCY Sam... SAM Earl Lydecker, a low level State Department staffer who confessed to FBI counterintelligence officers that he and Gault had conspired to send U.S. economic analysis documents to Soviet agents at the Russian embassy. NANCY Yes. SAM He confessed, by the way, for no particular reason. NANCY Yes. SAM It was subsequently demonstrated that Lydecker was a clinically diagnosed manic-depressive with a history of... wait for it... institutionalization. This was the chief witness for the prosecution. According to... NANCY Sam... SAM Excuse me, please. According to retired KGB Colonel Oleg Prosorov a search of the files at Lubyanka reveals only one reference to Gault. That he was approached in 1943 and labeled "highly uncooperative" and a "poor prospect for recruitment". NANCY Sam, Daniel Gault was a spy. SAM [incredulously] Oh my God... NANCY He was a Soviet spy, Sam. SAM Based on what? NANCY Diplomatic cables intercepted by U.S. Army Signal Intelligence in the 1940s. SAM If that was the case, why couldn’t the U.S. Attorney make espionage in the 1950s? NANCY ‘Cause the cables weren’t decrypted until the 1970s. SAM You’re telling me that we cracked some obscure Russian code and suddenly we learned Gault was a spy? NANCY Yes. SAM That’s crap. If the FBI had proof on Gault they would have told the world about it. NANCY No they wouldn’t have, Sam. SAM Nancy... NANCY No they wouldn’t have, neither would the NSA, neither would Central Intelligence. You don’t show someone you’ve broken their ciphers unless you have to. Gault was long dead. But before he was, he was an agent called "Black Water". He was a delegate at Yalta. And he returned to the U.S. by way of Rostov where he was awarded the Order of Lenin. SAM Yeah, well, I’ll believe that when they show me the file. Nancy reaches behind her, picks up a heavy file and places it in front of Sam. SAM That’s not an FBI file. NANCY It’s an NSA file. SAM Nancy, I’m classified but I don’t have code word clearance. NANCY I know. SAM I’m saying I’m not allowed to see that and you could get into trouble for showing it to me. NANCY I could go to jail for showing it to you, which obviously I’m not going to do. [opens the file] I have blacked out any lateral reference that is code word classified. Those are the only things I’ve blacked out and they are in no way relevant to your question. Look at me. Do you believe me? SAM [softly] Of course. NANCY Go ahead. Sam starts reading. Nancy picks up the phone again. NANCY This is Dr. Nancy McNally, the National Security Advisor. But again, that’s force protection and not readiness.... FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY The camera pans from the OCSE group to C.J., standing. FALLOW So, uh... You’re probably wondering what all this has to do with social equality? C.J. No. I’m wondering where France really is. Josh joins C.J., standing. JOSH Guys, we want to thank you very much for coming in... C.J. Hang on. We’re going to finish this. JOSH Okay. HUKE What do maps have to do with social equality, you ask? JOSH She asked. HUKE Salvatore Natoli of the National Council for Social Studies argues "In our society we unconsciously equate size with importance, and even power". Josh and C.J. exchange looks. JOSH I’m going to check in on Toby. C.J. Go. JOSH [to C.J.] These guys find Brigadoon on that map you’ll call me, right? C.J. Probably not. JOSH Okay. [exits] FALLOW When Third World countries are misrepresented they’re likely to be valued less. When Mercator maps exaggerate the importance of Western civilization, when the top of the map is given to the northern hemisphere and the bottom is given to the southern... then people will tend to adopt top and bottom attitudes. C.J. But... wait. How... Where else could you put the Northern Hemisphere but on the top? SAYLES On the bottom. C.J. How? FALLOW Like this. The map is flipped over. C.J. Yeah, but you can’t do that. FALLOW Why not? C.J. ‘Cause it’s freaking me out. CUT TO: INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET - DAY The protesters are shouting. TOBY It’s activist vacation is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The black t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories. SACHS These kids today, with the hair and the clothes... TOBY All right, that’s it, flatfoot. SACHS I got great feet. TOBY You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper. SACHS Yes. TOBY Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? That’s ‘cause I’m a speechwriter and I know how to make a point. SACHS Toby... TOBY It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with ‘lowers’ and ‘raises’ there? SACHS Yes. TOBY It’s called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites and now you end with the one that’s not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that’s it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One world, one peace. I’m sure I’ve seen that on a sign somewhere. SACHS God, Toby... Wouldn’t it be great if there was someone around here with communication skills who could go in there and tell them that? TOBY Shut up. Josh enters through the police line. JOSH Toby... TOBY What are you doing here? JOSH Came down to see how it was going. [to Sachs] How’s it going? Josh Lyman. SACHS Rhonda Sachs. JOSH Any trouble? SACHS No. TOBY [raises his hand] Josh. The WTO is undemocratic, and accountable to no one, decisions are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say about institutional policy. JOSH What was that? TOBY I protested to you. JOSH Why? TOBY ‘Cause I’m not allowed to get arrested anymore. JOSH Let’s go back. TOBY No, I hate these people with the heat of a nova. Yet here I go. SACHS Attaboy. TOBY Shut up. SACHS I got your back, man, you know? Or not. All three enter the building. CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT BARTLET Charlie? CHARLIE [enters] Yes, sir? BARTLET Let’s do calls in the residence, okay? CHARLIE Yes, sir. BARTLET I think there were a couple of late memos. LEO [enters] Good evening, Mr. President. CHARLIE They’re on your desk, sir. BARTLET Thanks. Charlie exits. BARTLET I’m going to head home. LEO At 7:30? BARTLET I’ll make calls from the residence. LEO Are you feeling all right? BARTLET Yeah. LEO I heard you lost the site. What’s the backup? BARTLET Well, there’s this wooded land on the Connecticut River, but the Abenaki Indians are claiming it’s an ancient burial ground. LEO Ah. BARTLET There’s a magnificent bluff overlooking an orchard in Orford and the owner is willing, if not eager, to donate the land. LEO What’s the problem? BARTLET The owner’s doing 40 months at Allenwood for securities fraud. LEO You’ll find a site. BARTLET This is how long I get before I have to start with the library? Two years? And the first six months was figuring out how to work the phones? Oh, by the way, they’ve changed the phones again. LEO Yeah. BARTLET This is the last job I’ve ever going to have. This is the last time I’m going to come to work with people. I swear to God, I feel like I was just starting to get good at it. LEO Well, it’s two years, with an option for four more. Bartlet doesn’t respond. LEO Mr. President, is there anything we need to talk about? BARTLET Not yet, okay? LEO Okay. BARTLET I’ll see you tomorrow. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. Bartlet exits. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT Sam is tossing sugar packets into a metal pot. Sugar packets clang as they hit the pot. Donna enters. DONNA Sam? What are you doing? SAM I don’t know. DONNA Where’ve you been all afternoon? SAM Been around. Then I came down here to practice my sugar tossing, ‘cause if you don’t practice, then you might as well give the clarinet to a kid who’ll use it. DONNA Stephanie’s upstairs. I put her in your office ‘cause Josh is back. SAM When she said that from what she’s heard I’m the one to talk to, that... I have the ear of the President, you told her to say that, right? DONNA It was... This was so important to her. I... [chuckles nervously] I wanted to give... Yes. I did. I’m sorry. I didn’t... SAM I don’t know why you’d think I was like that. I mean, for fun, but... I don’t know why you’d think I was like that. DONNA It was wrong. SAM Yeah. DONNA Were you able to...? SAM He was a spy. DONNA You’re sure? SAM Yes. DONNA No. I mean it’s not possible that he... SAM His code name was "Black Water". He copied by hand State Department and White House documents and delivered them to the Soviets. They included... DONNA Sam... SAM ...Roosevelt’s plans to enter the war... DONNA You can’t tell her. You have to tell her something else. SAM Possible recruitment targets. DONNA Sam, it was... SAM Lists of Communists and Communist sympathizers in the State Department and National Recovery Administration. DONNA Sam... SAM What are you, out of your mind? I’m telling her right now. Sam starts to walk out, Donna chases after him. DONNA No. No, Sam. Please, you really can’t do this. SAM Secret memoranda on the U.S. negotiating stance at Yalta... DONNA Please stop walking. Both start climbing the STAIRS. SAM Good, ‘cause Stalin needed an advantage and we wanted a fair fight. DONNA Sam, nothing good comes from telling her. SAM The truth isn’t good? DONNA Not right now, no. The father is not going to live another three months... let it go till then. SAM I’m not her fairy godmother. She asked me to look into this. DONNA I’m saying, you wait three months until... SAM Hey. DONNA You’re in a bad... SAM Donna... DONNA Listen to me. You’re in a bad place right now and you shouldn’t make this decision. If you don’t tell her tonight, you can tell her tomorrow. If you tell her tonight, that’s it. SAM Donna. DONNA It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter? Both stop on the STAIRS. SAM It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one that’s lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion. Of fidelity. You understand the last full measure of devotion to... Treason against them is... [almost crying] DONNA [softly] Sam... SAM There was a translator in the Hungarian trade mission named Shaba Demsky. She was murdered in 1952. She was about to reveal the name of a Soviet agent called Black Water. This girl’s going to find out who her father was. He continues to climb stairs. DONNA Sam... [he turns] You meant grandfather. Sam turns around and continues down the hall. CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Sam enters his office. Stephanie stands as he comes through the door. STEPHANIE Tell me there’s good news. SAM Have you ever heard of a woman named Shaba Demsky? STEPHANIE No. [pause] Sam? Sam looks past Stephanie to Donna as she stands just outside his door. SAM I’m sorry, Stephanie. I wasn’t able to get access to the people I needed, to have it considered this time around. Why don’t you tell your father you’ll be able to try again in three months. STEPHANIE So, you’re open to it? SAM Absolutely. STEPHANIE [relieved sigh] That’s all he needed. That’s all I needed. Donna enters the office. STEPHANIE [to Donna] Did you hear? DONNA You should call him right now. STEPHANIE Can I use the phone on your desk? DONNA Yeah, dial 9. STEPHANIE Everyone was right about you, Sam. DONNA Sam’s the man. Stephanie exits. Sam looks crestfallen, and Donna comes over and hugs him. SAM It’s just there are certain things you’re sure of... like longitude and latitude. DONNA Sam, I don’t know if this is the best time to tell you, but according to C.J., I wouldn’t be so sure about longitude and latitude. Sam chuckles, and releases from the hug. JOSH Hey... [enters] You should have seen Toby. SAM He was good? JOSH He blew the doors off the place. Then I almost got killed. DONNA and SAM How? JOSH I got hit with a piece of a banana. TOBY Let’s go. JOSH [to Toby] You know what you are? You are old school, my friend. TOBY Stop talking like that. Let’s go. JOSH Let me tell you something, though. That was the second time this year I almost got killed and both times I was with you so you’re going to need a new wingman. TOBY You were my old wingman? JOSH Yeah. TOBY Let’s go. DONNA Where are you going? JOSH Toby and I are going to get Sam drunk, and then put him to bed. DONNA I’ll come. [leaves] TOBY Let’s go. SAM I’m going to meet you there. JOSH Yeah? Sam nods. JOSH All right. Sam closes the door behind Josh. Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays again. Lying here in the darkness I hear the sirens wail Somebody’s going to emergency Somebody’s going to jail Sam takes the phone message out of pocket and starts dialing. If you find somebody to love in this world You better hang on tooth and nail The wolf is always at the door. SAM [into phone] Dad... it’s me. DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES. In a New York minute, everything can change In a New York... FADE TO BLACK. THE END * * * The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. Episode 2.16 -- “Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail” Original Airdate: February 28, 2001, 9:00 PM EST Transcript by: justanotherwinger